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Fatwa CenterWife is not obliged to live with her in-laws
Question
Salaam o a'alikum Wa rahmatu Allah ta'ala Wa barakatuh. Asalatu Wa salaam a'ala sayiduna Al akram sayudu Al khaleq sayiduna Mohamed alayhi alef salaat Wa salaam. I seek advice as soon as possible, my relationship is breaking down with my husband. Everything went wrong since our first week of our married life, my problem with him is that he still needs his family in every way to a point he doesn't want to move out of his parents house even though we have our own place, he says living alone together will be miserable. He tried to divorce me on the first week of marriage, just because I told him he didn't make me feel like a new bride, and he was acting like a kid with his nephews. So he hasn't been treating me nice and we fight all the time, and as we staying with his family, his mother noticed that we fighting and we don't talk to each other, she told me once look if you can't be happy together then divorce will be a perfect solution. And again after a while we made things right and we started being happy. But we had an argument again and we travelled overseas for my birthday, and in the middle of the night we argued again and he pulled me from my arm and he was asking me to get dressed and walk out of the room because he was going to announce divorce again. He doesn't have any reason to threaten me like this all the time, but he says its because I don't like his family. But I have never and ever complained or commented about them, even though his mother is not a nice woman and hurts me all the time. But he says I don't like his family and I wish he abandon them. Which is not even my thinking and what I was taught. So now I am in my parents house for some paperwork but I'm thinking of not going back especially I'm not from the same country he comes from. I come from an Arab country. Please I need your advice jazakumu Allah khayran
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
One of the important means by which this purpose can be achieved is that each of the spouses knows the rights of the other and carries them out as due. Please refer to Fataawa 85167 and 85308 about the duties and rights of the spouses toward one another.
Disputes between the spouses are common and natural; the real problem is that the spouses do not deliberately and wisely handle those disputes. It would be wrong on part of your husband to hasten to divorce; divorce is not always the best or the first solution for marital problems. Rather, it should be the last resort.
If the husband or the wife is proved to be abusive and disobedient, the Islamic Sharee‘ah has set the way of handling this problem. Please refer to Fatwa 85402 about the way to deal with a recalcitrant wife and Fataawa 97217 and 89973 about the way to deal with an abusive husband.
As a wife, you are entitled to have a separate house away from the husband's family and you are not obliged to live with your in-laws in the same house. In fact, living with the husband's family in the same house often causes much inconvenience for the wife and leads to marital problems such as yours. Husbands should understand that if they wish to avoid such problems, they should not force their wives to live with their in-laws in the same house.
If the wife refuses to live with the husband's family and demands a separate house, this does not necessarily mean that she does not like them or that she wishes to prevent the husband from maintaining his relationship with them. The husband can simply provide his wife with a separate house and at the same time visit his family frequently and take good care of them; in fact, this is what many wise people do.
If your husband asks you to return to your marital house, you are obliged to obey him. It is impermissible for you to disobey your husband in this regard without a legitimate excuse.
We advise you to try reaching a mutual understanding with your husband and to seek the mediation of wise people, if necessary, so that the problem would not escalate and lead to unfavourable results. Divorce often causes disastrous consequences to the whole family, especially the children.
Allaah Knows best.
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