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Fatwa CenterHer husband insists that she tells him of her sins
Question
I was in an abusive marriage for 11 years. I divorced, but still had ties to my ex because of no social support. Soon after the divorce I met a man who wanted to marry me. I told him about my situation, and even though it was hard for him he tried to support me while I cut ties with my ex fully. He lived in another country. We married after making istikhara. Both during our engagement and after the marriage began, I had some incidents with my ex that were stressful and impacted my judgment, so I ended up making poor decisions such as being in seclusion with him, being overly friendly with him, and other such things. No zina. I went to meet my husband in his country. While gone, I discovered my ex was in my home and spent time in my room. I didn't tell my husband about it right away because I knew he would be angry. When I finally told him, he placed a condition on me that I should not hide anything or lie to him or I will be divorced. At that time, there were still instances that I had not told him about. They were situations I had repented for and never did again. I didn't think it counted against his conditional divorce because of what Allah says about hiding our sins. I've now only been marred 3 months. My ex made fitna and told my husband about some of those things I hid. He divorced me instantly when I admitted them, but we determined it didn't count because of the level of his anger. My husband then decided to have me cut all ties with my ex (we had kids together) and contact go through him. He asked me to tell him anything else that had taken place with my ex, so I told him the other things my ex said or did to me that I hid as well. He again is enraged. I lied/hid my sins and prevent the damage I knew it would do to my marriage. The mistakes with my ex were often because he manipulated me. Was my husband right to want to know those mistakes, though it would anger him? Was I wrong to hide those things though I repented of them?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
The husband is not entitled to investigate the sins that his wife had committed. This contravenes the Islamic teachings. Muslims are enjoined to repent to Allaah of their sins and to conceal them as we clarified in Fataawa 84052 and 83573. Such behavior on part of the husband consists in incurring undue distress and grief which he could have spared himself of.
You did well by not revealing to your husband what you had done, and you made a mistake by telling him in the second incident. In any case, you should be more careful and mindful of any laxness on your part in dealing with your ex-husband or any other non-Mahram man in the future. Please refer to Fatwa 96286.
Lastly, as for your husband telling you that you are divorced if you hide anything from him or lie to him, this is considered a promise of divorce and divorce does not take effect by it. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 186373.
Allaah Knows best.
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