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Fatwa CenterSeeking khul' from an abusive, ungrateful husband
Question
Assalaamu alaykum. I have been married to my husband for more than nine years. After our marriage, I came to know that he was jobless. I was a school principal, so I continued my job. Later on, I got a good job offer in a Gulf country, so I accepted the offer in order to help my husband settle down. He did not want to work in Pakistan and said that he is not made to obey others. For the past eight years, I have been living in this Gulf country, working all the time to provide for myself, my children, and my husband. During this time, he has treated me like a slave. He tortures me and my children, saying that he is depressed. He wastes all of my money and does not allow me to spend it on food. He wants to have all luxuries of life, which I have provided him with. I have some health problems, but he does not allow me to get treatment asking who will run the house. He breaks stuff in my home, like electronic devices or furniture, if I refuse to give him money. He is religious himself, he studied Islam and memorised Quran in an Islamic institution. He does not allow me to talk to my parents or any friend. This situation is depressing me and making me psychologically ill. He says that Allaah will punish me because I am not an obedient wife and that there is no good reason for me to ask for a khul'. Ha has taken back all of my mahr already. He says that he will only give me a khul' if I pay him a huge amount like twenty thousand dollars. He has sent me to jail also by making problems for me such as giving my car to a stranger who misused it. So, in short, he is not honest with me and always puts me and my children in danger. Please tell me that are these enough reasons for a khul'? Do I have to pay him anything while he has not provided for me or the kids, not even for one month, throughout this period. Rather, I have provided him with everything, a luxury flat, a luxury car, and I have served him in ever way and left my ATM card at his disposal?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
Allaah, The Exalted, enjoined both spouses to live with one another in kindness; He says (what means): {...And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable...} [Quran 2:228] Please refer to fatwas 86618 and 88304. Living with one’s spouse in kindness entails that each of them fulfills the rights of the other over him/her so as to foster marital happiness and stability. Please refer to fataawa 85308 and 83157about the rights of the spouses over one another.
If retaining the marriage bond incurs considerable harm on the wife, then she is entitled to demand a divorce or khul’; please refer to fatwa 131953. Some scholars stated that if the husband is the one who harms his wife, he is not entitled to take any compensation for divorcing her, as highlighted in fatwa 165253.
In any case, we do not advise hastening to ask for a divorce or khulʻ; rather, you should seek reconciliation if possible. You can also seek the mediation of wise people to restore harmony between the spouses and set foundations for them to retain their marriage bond graciously and reach a mutual understanding.
It should be noted that the husband is obliged to provide for his wife and children; it is not incumbent on the wife to provide for her husband or the children, even if she is rich. Please refer to fatwa 85012. It is strange that you financially support your husband and he rewards your kindness with such ill treatment; Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {Is the reward for good (anything) but good?} [Quran 55:60]
Lastly, we would like to stress the need for you to adhere to patience to the best of your ability and to seek reconciliation as much as you can. You should also not forget to frequently supplicate Allaah to guide your husband and make him come to his senses (and start thinking sensibly).
Allaah knows best.
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