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Fatwa CenterHusband kind at times and abusive at others
Question
I need help please, my husband and I have been married for two years now. He started treating me bad lately; he goes on for no reason for the last few weeks. He jumps down my throat and says the worst things to me. I feel worse than a dog. When he goes on like that, he tells me to leave the house and says that he does not love me and blames me for everything that goes wrong in his life. The next day or two, he goes on like nothing happened and everything is back to normal. Then a few months later the same thing happens. Last night, he went on again and told me to leave and said that he would not be coming home and that he was moving out. Then today he sent me a message saying that he was going to court to divorce me and that I would be receiving a letter. I do not say or do anything; I just keep quite when he goes on like that. When everything is ok, he loves me and does the housework for me. That is what confuse me more; how can someone like your husband love you one minute and then hate you the next?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
There is no doubt that your husband's actions are very strange. We advise you to be patient and pray to Allaah that he stops mistreating you. Verily, Allaah answers the supplications of those in distress and relieves the hardship; Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {Is He (not best) Who responds to the desperate one when he calls upon Him and removes evil and makes you inheritors of the earth? Is there a deity with Allaah? Little do you remember.} [Quran 27:62]
We also advise you to try to find the reason for his actions and treat him from it to the best of your ability, such as by consulting a psychiatrist or a physician. Some physical illnesses have psychological symptoms.
If you do not find a normal reason for his actions, then it could be due to a magic spell, possession by the jinn, or the evil eye. If it is most likely that one of these three is the cause, then the best treatment for him is reciting ruqyah (healing through Quranic recitation and supplication). If he can recite the ruqyah himself, then that is better; otherwise, he may seek the help of someone known for righteousness and piety to recite it over him, Hopefully, Allaah would make this a reason for his recovery. For more benefit, please refer to fataawa 25592 and 88660.
As a last resort, if he does not change, then you have the right to ask for a divorce or a khul’ (divorce at the instance of the wife in return for compensation that she pays to the husband). However, you should not hasten to choose this option. Rather, think well about what is best for you and consult with your reliable relatives and friends.
For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 92025.
Allaah knows best.
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