She is unhappy and resentful toward her daughter in-law
Fatwa No: 88605

Question

My son got married about three months ago I was really very happy then after ten days of the wedding my son went to England because of his job and my daughter-in-law was left behind due to visa problem. during this time I found that we were very kind and just to her we treated her like our daughter but in the return we got nothing she doesn't treat us like parents she even refused to call us mama and baba and instead she calls us uncle and aunty and I can't forget this attitude of hers has made me aggressive and I don't like her any more she also did a few other things that I did not like and now I say that she can never be like a daughter to me I am very upset about this she is gone now but I am all the time in tension so please give me an advice that how I can remove these bad feelings about her from my heart? 

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.

 

A woman should establish good relationships with her mother-in-law and father-in-law. Doing so is a sign of respect to her husband and a means of increasing affection and love between her and the husband.

However, it is not necessary to call them father and mother for this respect to be established. In some societies, uttering the word 'uncle' or 'aunt' may bring about his condition. So you have to understand that there could be a reason for this behaviour. Trying to achieve mutual understanding softens the heart and drives away hard feelings (feelings of hatred and enmity).

Thus, in order to rid your heart of those hard feelings you have to remember that forgiveness and reconciliation have great status in religion.    They lead to having one's own sins being forgiven. Allaah says: (interpretation of the meaning): {Let them pardon and forgive. Do you not love that Allaah should forgive you? And Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.}[24:22]. Forgiving is also a means of glory and honour in this life and the Hereafter. It is confirmed that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "The more a person pardons people, the more Allah raises him in status."

In addition to this, what will help you to infuriate Satan is to supplicate for your daughter in-law and remember the excellence of the purity of the heart towards other Muslims. Allaah says: (interpretation of the meaning): {And those who came after them say: ''Our Lord, forgive us and our brothers who preceded us in faith, and put not in our hearts any hatred against those who have believed.}[59:10]. You also have to remember the story of the man who was given glad tidings by the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) to enter paradise, as the man said: "I do not find any rancor in my heart against any Muslim." [An-Nasaa'ee and others] 

Allaah knows best.

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