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She is worried that if she has a daughter her Muslim husband will force her to wear Hijab

Thursday 24-6-2010

Question

Hello. I have two questions. My husband is muslim and I am christian. We have both been married previously, and we both feel very lucky to have found each other. We are best friends. I realize that if we have children they must be raised muslim. I think that there are very many beautiful things about islam, but I don't agree with everything. We don't have children yet, but I am worried that if we have a daughter things will get difficult. While I realize the reasons behind hijab and I feel it is right for some people, I am having a hard time hearing my husband say he will force our daughter to wear hijab as he feels this is the best way to protect her. I was raised well by my family, and he thinks I will make a great role model for our children. I never wore hijab and am a chaste woman who dresses modestly. I don't feel that I have been harassed by men or been treated badly because I don't wear hijab. My parents kept an eye on me and raised me to be virtuous. I don't know how it will work for a christian mother raising a daughter (with my husband) and she is forced to wear a hijab when many of her friends (and I) won't. We live in a hot climate in the USA. If she chooses to wear hijab on her own, I have nothing against it, but sometimes if you force children to do something, they will rebel. I feel that until she is ready to wear hijab on her own and accept it as the right thing, it is wrong to force her as it may drive her from islam. What is correct? 2. We have talked about getting in vitro fertilization to try to have a boy, mainly to avoid the disagreements about raising a daughter. The process they use to make you have a boy or a girl child increases your chances but is not 100%. Some people say this is permissible (to try to choose the gender) because in the end Allah has the final decision on gender, and will decide if the surgery works in the first place. What do you think? Thank you for your help.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

 

First of all, we thank you for visiting our website and trusting it and we ask Allaah (God) to make us as good as you think.  Indeed, you appear to be of sound mind and we hope that this will guide you to goodness.

As regards the daughter who is not yet created, then talking about her now and about her wearing Hijab or not wearing it, and discussing about forcing her to wear the Hijab or not forcing her to do so, then this is not the right time to debate this issue.

However, you did well by mentioning that Islam has many very good aspects. Indeed, if one looks at Islam while being impartial, unbiased, rational and without following ones desires or being affected by the misconceptions that are spread against it by some prejudiced people, he will find that Islam has all good aspects. It is appropriate here to refer you to some Fataawa (plural of Fatwa) that give you some idea about Islam and its good aspects, so please refer to Fataawa  8197988906 and 88051.  

Furthermore, we advise you to read about Islam from its authentic sources, i.e. from the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) and you should not judge Islam just by the (improper) conduct of some individual Muslims.

If you have any misconceptions about Islam, you may visit our site. Also, you may visit some Islamic Centers to ask them your questions orally and they will clarify the matter to you.

On the other hand, Christianity to which you belong, has been infiltrated by many wrong beliefs and there are many contradictions between one Gospel and another because of the forgeries which it was subjected to. In this regard you may refer to Fataawa 85307, 90986 and 90449.

As regards carrying out an in-vetro fertilization in order to determine the gender of the baby, then in our view this is not permissible for whoever is able to give birth in normal circumstances, as this fertilization necessitates looking at your Awrah (the parts of the body that must be covered in Islam) from a person who is not permitted to do so. Indeed, such a procedure is only permissible in case of necessity. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 84948 and 83358.

Allaah Knows best.

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