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Fatwa CenterControlling anger especially with parents
Question
Assalaamu alaykum. Is there any way to control our emotions? I always get annoyed and grumpy and moody, and I unleashing it on my mother, who needs to be treated with the best companionship. On the other hand, I treat my fellow Muslims with the best companionship and make sure not to hurt their feelings in any way. This behaviour of mine makes me feel very guilty and I end up crying hysterically. Can you advise me regarding my state? May Allaah bless you and your team for this noble work. Ameen.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
Your attitude towards your mother is improper and unacceptable; she carried you in her womb, nursed you, and stayed up many nights for your sake. It is quite strange that you are nice and kind to your Muslim sisters but display bad manners and unkindness towards your mother! We do not believe that your anger and moodiness are the only reason for this attitude; otherwise, why are you not grumpy and moody with the others as well? In fact, it seems that there is some kind of indifference and disregard for the gravity of such conduct with your mother. Whoever truly fears Allah, this fear would compel him to avoid what causes Allah's wrath; Allah, The Exalted, says (what means): {But as for he who feared the position of his Lord and prevented the soul from (unlawful) inclination, then indeed, Paradise will be (his) refuge.} [Quran 79:40-41]
For more benefit, please refer to fatwas 87856 and 87019.
The Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, showed us the way to treat anger, and we have previously mentioned it in fatwa 86681.
As for moodiness, psychologists say that it is an acquired state, and whatever is acquired can be changed by practice. This is supported by the following hadeeth: Abu Ad-Dardaa' 
reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, “Knowledge is acquired through learning, and clemency is acquired through practice; whoever sincerely seeks goodness will be granted it, and whoever sincerely avoids evil will be protected from it...” [At-Tabaraani and Al-Bayhaqi]
There are two forms of psychotherapy: behavioral therapy and medication. You can consult trustworthy specialists in this regard. Also, try to say Thikr (expressions of rememberance of Allah) as much as you can and recite the Quran frequently. Verily, the remembrance of Allah is the source of tranquility and relieves distress and anxiety. Allah, The Exalted, says (what means): {Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.} [Quran 13:28]
We ask Allah to bless us and you with well-being and safety from all evils and tribulations.
Allah knows best.
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