Wife Having Illegal Relations with Men
Fatwa No: 82073

Question

I have been married five years. Currently, I'm a student in U.S. Unfortunately, I found out that my wife is having affairs with some guys. It's not sexual (thank God), but she talked to them via chat program and she exchanged e-mail and keeps in touch by phone. Once, I caught her; I forgave her because I don't like to disclose her behavior and to protect her. I know that he who protects one in this life, Allah may protect him on the day of judgement. But, she did it again and I found her with their pictures. Still I want to protect her and I don't want to make this public. Unfortunately, she doesn't pray like she did when we were home. I'm trying with her and I never hit her because we are in the U.S. and if I do such a thing, I'm afraid she will do something bad to herself. She doesn't know that I know about the pictures. My question is: Am I responsible for her behavior? Is it wrong to keep these things secret?

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

Dear brother, you are responsible for your wife and your children and you will be asked about them on the Day of Judgment. It is confirmed that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: “Every one of you is a guardian and is responsible for the people under his guardianship: the Imam (Muslim ruler) is a guardian and is responsible for the people under his guardianship, a man is a guardian in his house and is responsible for the people under his guardianship, and a woman is a guardian in her husband’s home and she will be questioned over the people under her guardianship.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Therefore, if you are certain of what you said about your wife, then you must talk to her about this matter and show her a real proof for what you mentioned. You should scold her about this but with wisdom and good preaching. This is part of the conditions of being the guardian in your family, i.e., the responsibility which Allah has put upon your shoulder. It is also one of the reasons of protecting her from Hellfire; Allah Says (what means): {O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.} [Quran 66:6]

Keeping quiet and silent over this matter makes you a cuckold and this is a very serious matter. It is confirmed that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: “There are three kinds of people upon whom Allah has forbidden Paradise: an alcohol addict, a person who severs ties with his parents, and the cuckold who approves vicious acts done by his wife.” [Ahmad]

Allah knows best.

Related Fatwa