Addicted to pornography and masturbation
Fatwa No: 89267

  • Fatwa Date:26-1-2005 - Thul-Hijjah 16, 1425
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Question

I am in great need for your help, I am addicted to porn and nudity (masturbation), I got married 3 years ago, I thought I wanted to get married to purify myself, I would stop for sometime and then get worse, I read all what you wrote on this subject, all the other questions, it would work for sometime, then, as I said, things would get worse, myself esteem is very low, it is affecting my relations with my wife, and friends, I live in the states, and, to your surprise, play an active role in the Muslim community, I feel a hypocrite, weak, sometimes I even lead the pray in the Masjid.
please help me, I really don't know what to do, sometimes I would stop for 2-3 months, and the day I feel I am strong, the same day, I fall and hit the ground, I feel that Allaah is punishing me for all the things I did and still do,
I have a beautiful son, I thought this would make me stop, but as usual I would stop for sometime and then ..., my intimate relationship with my wife, if I can call it a relationship, is not good at all, she does not take care of herself, I am the first one in her life, her Akhlaq are excellent, but doesn't really appreciate what a man needs, living in this country and the woman we see around, one cannot but compare, I feel that Allaah is punishing me for looking at the Haraam, that I don't enjoy the Halaal, sometimes I feel someone, does not need to enjoy this life at all, for Allaah's sake help me, I want to be happy, in the hereafter and this Duniya, I know I am loosing both, sometimes I think about the Fadeeha when people find out about me, that stops me for sometime, but then I fall again, I don't have a backup system, a system that I can rely on, I lost the trust in myself, sometimes when I "make" Tawba, I have this inner feeling that I will do it again, and I know that this is not Tawba, believe me I am ignorant in the religion, and that what troubles me, I feel many verses of the Qur'an are directly talking about me, I really don't know what to do, even my work, I am loosing interest, I feel I am destroying my life, still I keep doing what I do, I don't know is it the Shytan or me, I may be trying to blame everybody around me, and not take responsibility, I realize I am sick, but really don't know, what to do, I pray sometimes at night asking Allaah for forgiveness and guidance and steadfastness, but then fall again, I know the trick about the Shytan and about loosing hope, but how can I have hoop, if I am 34 and still worry about these kind of issue, while people younger than me are doing for the Ummah and even for themselves much more than me, should I go and live in the desert were no internet, I forgot to tell you that I have a PhD and teach at a university ... I feel I am a mess, I am loosing my memory, and ability to focus, I miss my dead mother, who died, in 1988, I was not home then, and did not know she was sick, and her death came as a shock to me, I know that Allaah did what is best, I miss her too much, she was very close to me, and I feel she was holding our family, I feel if my relationship with Allaah is good, then my relationship with all the people around me should be good, too, I don't know if I am making sense... May Allah bless you help me.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.

 

First of all, we ask Allaah to grant us repentance before death, relief and rest at the time of death, and Paradise after death. You have to know that acts of disobedience cause the anger of Allaah and please Satan. They are also the reason for every affliction in this life and the Hereafter. So a Muslim has to have an insight regarding his/her affairs, and take a firm decision about his soul and desires. He/she has to repent before it would be too late. If one looks to the circumstances of those who repented to Allaah, he will discover that many of them think, before repenting, that it is impossible for him/her to get rid of what he/she is afflicted with. Therefore, we say that there are ways for cure, the most important of which are:

1.     Sincerely wishing to repent; if one is sincere to Allaah, Allaah will enable him/her to do good. Allaah says (interpretation of meaning): {As for him who gives and fears Allah, and believes in the best [reward], We will ease him toward ease.}[92:5-7].

2.     Being sincerely determined; what happened to you is due to the weakness of determination.

3.     Remembering that Allaah is always watching you, whether you are in public or in private, and avoiding as much as possible being in seclusion with a marriageable woman. But if this happens, remember that there is someone watching you.

4.     Remembering the seriousness of sins. A calamity can befall you, your family, or your wealth because of these sins. Allaah says (interpretation of meaning): {And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much.}[42: 30]. The punishment of the Hereafter is greater.

5.     Keeping company with righteous people, and keeping in touch with Islamic Centres and foundations, and working with them in order to support the religion of Allaah.

6.     Avoiding corrupt environments which could affect and influence you, like visiting websites. However, if there is a need for this, let it be with the presence of a righteous Muslim brothers.

7.     Sitting with your wife and being frank with her in relation to your affections, and explaining to her the role she could play in that, by beautifying herself to you. Do not forget to do what would incite her to do that by beautifying yourself to her as well. Ibn 'Abbaas  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him said: 'Indeed I like to beautify myself to my wife in the manner she beautifies herself for me, because Allaah says (interpretation of meaning): {And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable.}[2:228]'.

8.     Migrating from the non-Muslim country to a Muslim country, if you can do so, where there are fewer temptations, because migration is obligatory upon you.

9.     It is not necessary for you to provide leadership in the Muslim community if you feel you are not qualified in knowledge and in piety. To do so will only add to your negative feelings about your self. Having a PHD and teaching at a university are not criteria for Muslim leaders.

 

10. Accurately determining your own emotional and physical needs. Can one wife really satisfy you? If you need more than one wife, Islam permits a man to marry up to four wives if he can treat them justly. In addition, accepting this truth about your needs will help you to be realistic and fair in your assessment of your present wife, (i.e. one women cannot fulfill the requirements of more than one).

 

11. Conducting a realistic assessment of your strengths as well as your weaknesses. Praise Allaah, Most High, for the assets He has blessed you with, seek His forgiveness for your sins, and ask Him to increase you in faith (Eemaan). By no means let other people’s expectations cause you to exceed what you feel is appropriate and comfortable for you. Be honest with yourself and your Lord.

Allaah knows best.

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