How to deal with a difficult husband

30-11-2002 | IslamWeb

Question:

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful. I seek refuge in Him from the accursed Satan. My husband is very mean to me. He's verbally abusive. He walks out of a room when I'm speaking to him. He leaves my bed without any notice for months/weeks at a time. He doesn't handle my affairs even though I'm a stay-at-home mom. He's told me that his family comes before me and the kids although they are not Muslims. He speaks to me badly in front of the children. I've asked him what am i doing wrong. At this point, he doesn't answer the question. He doesn't want to talk about it. He's even lied on me and when I wanted to talk about it; he said drop it. Should I divorce the brother or should I continue in patience?

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Answer:

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.

Islam calls for the building of the good and honored Muslim family. For this reason, Allah has determined the right foundations of building the happy Muslim family. In such a family both spouses have rights on each other and both of them must fulfill those rights. Some of these rights are during normal matrimonial life. Others are during separation and disagreement. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning) about normal matrimonial life: {… And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, …} [2: 228]. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning) about the situation where there is disagreement: {… after that, either you retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness. …} [2: 229]. And about the divorce He Says: {… And do not forget liberality between yourselves. Truly, Allâh is All-Seer of what you do.} [2: 237].
So, if Islam orders the woman to be obedient to her husband, it also commands the man to respect his wife and respect her feelings and not to help Satan get hold of her.
It is unlawful for him to stay away from her for a period that could cause her to be tempted. He also must provide her with accommodation and must spend on her living (feeding her, clothing her, … etc.).
If the husband falls short of fulfilling his duties, then the woman has the right to ask for her rights unless she gives those rights up without being compelled to do so.
We advise this dear sister, to treat her problems with her husband calmly and with wisdom explaining to him what Allah has prescribed in him as far as the rights of the wife are concerned.
If some harm that she could not bear befalls her, then it is her right to try to remove that harm even by asking for divorce.
Allah knows best.