Parents' Interference in Marriage

7-5-2003 | IslamWeb

Question:

I was recently married but had not consummated my marriage and was waiting for my wife to send her immigration papers. What eventually happened is that my wife asked for divorce and the reason is due to her mother constantly talking about me in the negative? When I spoke to my father-in-law about this I found out that whatever me and my wife spoke of in private (through the internet or on the phone since these are the only 2 ways we could communicate) was known to them because she was informing them of everything happening. My question is that I was in a way forced into divorcing her because of her family's constant psychological torture to her. An example of which her mother would stop talking to her for long periods of time because she wanted this marriage to end. In any case I have not made any du3a against her family for ruining my marriage and betraying my trust in them to take care of my wife until her immigration papers are finished. What is the punishment for those who come between a man and his wife and force a divorce?

Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

Allah the Exalted has legislated for His believing slaves the rulings that insure success and happiness in this worldly life and the Hereafter if they put them into effect.

One of the most important matters the Sharee’ah gives great attention to is marital relations. The Sharee’ah contains many rulings pertaining to the marriage contract before and after it is established and how to solve disagreement if it occurs. The purpose of the Sharee’ah, as confirmed by the Muslim scholars, is either to bring benefits to the people and to complete them, or to protect people from harms and to diminish such harms. So, the Sharee’ah teaches us to reconcile relations between spouses and to send two righteous mediators for this job. However, if it does not work, then one may resort to separation as a last resort though it is not appreciated in Islamic Sharee’ah. The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: “If any woman asks her husband for divorce without some strong reason, the odour of Paradise will be forbidden for her.” [Abu Daawood, Ibn Maajah, An-Nasaa-i, and At-Tirmithi]

If the disagreement has reached the point that they cannot continue the marriage and the wife is demanding divorce, then a husband can ask for compensation. This kind of separation is called Khul'. Allah Says (what means): {But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself.} [Quran 2: 229]

Ibn ‘Abbaas  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him narrated that the wife of Thaabit Ibn Qays came to the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) and said to him: “O Allah's Messenger! I do not carp at Thaabit concerning his religion or morals, but I fear dishonoring his rights' upon me. Thereupon, the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "Will you give him back his garden (i.e. which was given as her bride’s gift)?" She replied: 'Yes’; and she returned it back to him. Then the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) ordered Thaabit to divorce her.” [Al-Bukhari]

It is strictly forbidden for the parents or anyone else to interfere in the matters of spouses except for the purpose of making peace between them. So, what your wife's mother did is wrong and not permissible. The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: “Whoever sows dissension among husband and wife is not one of us.” [Abu Daawood]

Also, it is not permissible for your wife to ask for divorce without any acceptable reason.

Despite the mistakes that are committed by your wife and her mother, our advice is to avoid cursing them though it is permissible in Islam to curse those who are unjust. Allah Says (what means): {Allah does not like the public mention of evil except by one who has been wronged. And ever is Allah Hearing and Knowing.} [Quran 4: 148]

Islam always encourages forgiveness and pardon.

Allah Says (what means):

• {And whoever is patient and forgives - indeed, that is of the matters [requiring] determination.} [Quran 42:43]

• {And to forego it is nearer to righteousness.} [Quran 2:237]

So, do not curse them especially after the divorce has occurred. Know that Allah is not careless about what the unjust are doing.

Allah knows best.

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