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Fatwa CenterHow to react to a rebellious wife
Question
As Sallam Alikum. I am newly married. My wife went to the home country to visit her mom as according to her she is seriously ill and she took the permission from me for few days. We used to talk on phone and one day we discussed the topic on the today's generation boyfriends and girlfriends meetings in private and doing zina. So she said its ok everyone is doing it. She used to have many male friends as she studied in co education. She went out with friends but according to her she never did anything wrong. So I told her you should dislike such things instead of saying its normal coz we'll going to have childrens I would never accept such things for them , then the arguments started between us and she started to heart me by saying you are a doubtful person bla bla bla even i've also heart her by my words coz i was heart and cannot control my anger, she disconnected the call. Next day I tried to contact her she didnt respond I contact her father but he didnt let me talk to her and he said I'll talk to your parents about what happened. Then our parents get involved her parents complained that I accused her for adultery which I dont remember if I have said to her and I am sure I dont mean it she misunderstood. However I apologized to my wife and took the blame on me that I shouldn't have discussed such topics and promised them it will never happen again. Her father listened everything and said he will think and let us know within few days. Its more than a month now they've not replied. My wife isn't talking to me she has changed her number her father isn't answering my call. But she's keep updating status on facebook replying to her freinds but not responding to my messeges. I am so depressed , I become absent minded I cant do my office work. Could you tell am I wrong somewhere I should deserve 80 lashes or she has a right to leave me and she will not be sinful.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and messenger.
Undoubtedly, inter-gender relationships outside marriage are forbidden as highlighted in Fatwa 81356.
If your wife’s remark about such relationships as being normal and accepted was meant to be a mere remark describing what is actually happening nowadays, there is no harm in that. However, if she meant it as a justification or an approval of such illicit relationships, it is an iniquitous and false statement for which she should turn to Allaah in repentance.
Based on your question, you did not say anything wrong or slander your wife or accuse her of adultery.
The fact that your wife refuses to communicate with you is considered Nushooz (rebellion/recalcitrance) on her part. Verily, the wife’s Nushooz is a misdeed and the husband is entitled to discipline his wife within the limits underlined by the Islamic Sharee‘ah as clarified in Fatwa 85402. He has the right to abstain from providing her maintenance until she corrects her conduct and desists from her Nushooz.
We advise you to keep trying to reconcile with her and seek the mediation of wise people to talk with her guardian. Verily, reconciliation is better in such cases. Please, refer to Fatwa 92612.
However, if your marital life has become unbearable, you may consider divorcing her as long as you keenly pursue what is best for you.
It should be noted that you also have the right to refuse to divorce her until she redeems herself from the marriage tie - by offering you compensation or the like.
Allaah Knows best.
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