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Fatwa CenterVirtue of Mixing with People and Bearing their Harm
Question
Salam. What is the ruling for someone who's dealing with a toxic/difficukt person? Is it permissible for one to not help them due to their behaviors and personality? Is it also permissible for one to say that they do not care if they willl receice rewards for dealing this type of person?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
It is good for a Muslim to deal with any person by whom he is not harmed in his religion. It is good that he be kind and generous with him especially if he is related to him, or he hopes that his dealing and kindness to him will be a reason to reform and influence him.
Ibn ‘Umar 
narrated that the Prophet said: “The believer who mixes with people and bears their harm with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not bear their harm.” [Ahmad]
Ibn Al-Qayyim 
said in Madaarij As-Saalikeen:
“The best thing to do at times of calamities and when people harm you is to mixing with them and be patient and not to run away from them. The believer who mixes with the people and is patient when they harm him is better than the one who does not mix with them and is not harmed by them. Mixing with them when they are upon virtue is better than deserting them, and deserting them when they are upon evil is better than mixing with them in it. However, if one knows that if he mixes with them, he can remove the evil or minimizes it, then mixing with them, in this case, is better than deserting them.” [End of quote]
Abu Hurayrah narrated that a man said to the Prophet : “O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I uphold the ties of kinship but they cut me off; I treat them well but they mistreat me; I am patient with them and they harm me.” The Prophet said: “If it is as you say, then it is as if you are stuffing hot ashes [in their mouths], and you will continue to be supported by Allah against them so long as you continue to be like that.” [Muslim]
Also, Ibn Mas’ood narrated that the Prophet said: “A person from amongst the people who lived before you was called to account by Allah on the Day of Resurrection. No good deeds were found in his credit except that he being a rich man had (financial) dealings with people and had commanded his servants to show leniency to those who were in straitened circumstances. Upon this Allah, the Exalted, and Majestic said: ‘I am more entitled to this attribute, so waive (his faults).’” [Muslim]
However, a Muslim should not deprive himself of doing good and earning good deeds because of one person or the other, because this is at his detriment.
'Aa’ishah 
narrated that the Prophet heard voices of altercation of two disputants at the door; both the voices were quite loud. One was asking the other to make his debts little (so that he could pay it off) and was pleading with him to show leniency to him, whereupon the (other one) said: “By Allah, I will not do that". Thereupon, the Prophet went to them and said, “Where is he who swore by Allah that he would not do good?” The man said: “O Messenger of Allah, it is me. Now, he may do as he desires” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Finally, we fear that the words: “I do not care to receive rewards for dealing with this type of person” may include a kind of impoliteness with Allah.
For more benefit on the excellence of patience, please refer to Fatwa 81882.
Allah knows best.
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