Many questions about marriage and marital life

19-7-2009 | IslamWeb


Bismilah, salam alaikom wa rahmato lah wa barakato
I am interested in getting married with a brother who converted to the islam.He is divorced since 2 years they were married for 4 years, they have a daughter (3 years).His parents and ex wife,daughter are non muslim.His daughter is living with her mother and she doesn't let him see his daughter often as he wants to, this makes him very sad.I was never interested in getting married until i met him.Other men have asked me to marry them but they were very interested in my fathers money.But this man is interested in me,he has his own money,he doesnt need that of my father.
Could you plz answer al these questions for me.jzakalah alf khir.
- What for kind of research should I do for the Islam before you would like to marry someone?
- How can I be a wife saliha to him and he a salih man to me?
- How am I suppose to handle if he has bad manners and how is he suppose to handle if he thinks that I have a bad manner?
- Is it oke for me to ask him about his previous marriage and to ask him about the reason why they got divorced?(maybe we could learn from that)
- How am I suppose to handle the relationship with his daughter (non-muslim) that could be my stepdaughter?
- How am I suppose to handle the situation if the mother (his ex-wife) would make the daughter hate me for being the other wife and wannebe other mother to her?
- How should he handle the relationship with his daughter who is non muslim? (his daughter lives with her mother and he gets to see her ones or twice a month or two)
- How am I suppose to handle the relation with his ex-wife (non-muslim) when marry this man? And how should my relationship be with her if she doesn't like the Islam and she would be evil?
- How should I handle the relationship with his parents (non-muslims)?
- How should I provite him more knowledge about the Islam?
- How can I be more patient to my parents and the other people?
May inchalah ALLAH forgive us for our sins


All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.


Our answer to your questions will be summarized in the following points:

1-    Religion and good moral conduct are the criteria for choosing a spouse; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 89506. Therefore, you should not hasten to accept to marry (this man) until you ask trustworthy people about him, and then you should perform the Istikhaarah prayer about him as clarified in Fatwa 81434.

2-    The only means to righteousness is faith and the obedience to Allaah. Indeed, the best means to achieve happiness and stability of marital life is that both the spouses know and fulfill the rights of each other. For more benefit on the rights of the spouses towards each other, please refer to Fataawa 83157 and 85308.

3-    Each spouse should endeavour to forgive the mistakes of the other and he/she should look to his/her positive character. Abu Hurayrah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him narrated that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "A believing man should not hate a believing woman (i.e. his wife), if he hates one of her characters, he will be pleased with another.” [Muslim]

4-    You should not ask your husband why he divorced his wife as this question may embarrass him. In addition to this, there might be some reasons that are not permissible to mention or which one should not mention. We have already mentioned how to avoid divorce taking place, like the spouses fulfilling the rights of each other and observing the obligations towards one another.

5-    This girl is considered a Muslim because the child follows the parent who is best in religion as we clarified in Fatwa 81957, and she is becomes your stepdaughter. However, her mother has no right to foster her because she is non-Muslim. Therefore, this man should endeavour to prevent that woman from fostering his daughter and he should make every effort to nurture her on the creed and morals of Islam. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 86163.

6-    If this girl or her mother or anyone else hates you, then you should be patient, because the outcome of patience is always good.

7-    There is no relation between you and your husband’s first wife, and it is permissible for you to be kind to a non-belligerent non-Muslim. However, if you are harmed by her, then you should threaten her to take the matter to the authorities so that they would repel her harm off you.

8-    You should be kind to your husband’s parents, the fact that they are non-Muslims does not prevent you from being kind to them. Indeed, among the best things of being kind to them is to call them to Islam.

9-    In our site [Islamweb] there are many beneficial matters by which you may help your husband in learning the matters pertaining to his religion, in addition to the Islamic centres that exist in your country.

10-Patience is an act of worship by which a person gets closer to Allaah, and a Muslim should seek the help of Allaah in order to make him patient. Allaah Says (what means): {And be patient, [O Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention )], and your patience is not but through Allaah.}[Quran 16:127] Moreover, if a Muslim tries to be patient, Allaah will enable him to be patient. It is confirmed that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "Whoever seeks to be patient, Allaah will make him patient, and nobody can be given a blessing better and greater than patience.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Allaah Knows best.