Her husband does not pray and fell in love with another woman

4-1-2010 | IslamWeb

Question:

Please help me for I feel sad and confused about my situation. I was married about 9 years to a converted Muslim man. He prayed for about 3 years then he stopped. I was very sad and unhappy about the situation because i wanted to be rightous man but he couldn't keep up with salat eventhough i was advising him a lot. Last year he started to chat with women and later he felt in love with one of them. When i found out I asked them to stop because my life became depressed and more sad. The situation got even worse after we when went to visit my family. I knew he was going to visit her, but he denied. So I told him i want to go where ever you are going but he refused and he said that he wanted to by himself. Then I told him if you go without me don't come back to my parent's house. I also asked to get sepearted since he didn't want to repent to Allah SWT and he doesn't pray. I prayed salat istikha5a and i asked Allah SWT if this man is good for my religion and my hereafter, then guide him of not make him leave me. When we got back from my parent's house house he told me that he wanted divorce and he wanted to marry the other woman. I thought, may be this is a punishment from Allah SWT and I try to be rightous as much I can, but I still make mistakes. Do you think marrying this man was wrong and Allah is punishing me? Is this decreed of Allah for this woman to marry my husband? Do they have right to get married since they love each othe? Note that i found out that he sent her a sexual story, explaining how man and woman have intercourse. She thought that I told him that she is the one who told me about this story, so she said that I don't fear Allah and she is asking for justice. I didn't tell him anything about her, except one thing she did wrote she wrote "go a lot crazy" because I sent her email asking to stop because what they're doing drives me crazy. So I don't know What I did wrong? Now she is his wife, sometimes I wish He can stay with me.

Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

 

If your husband has really abandoned the prayer, then he is very sinful because abandoning the prayer is a grave major sin. Rather, some scholars  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  them are of the view that the person who abandons the prayer, even out of laziness, goes out of the fold of Islam. For more benefit on the ruling of a person who abandons the prayer, please refer to Fataawa 90785 and 88932.

He is also wrong by chatting with some non-Mahram women on the Internet. Indeed, you did well by advising him and you should continue to do so in a gentle manner and you should remind him of death and the Hereafter, it may be that Allaah enables him to repent.

As regards his marriage with a second wife, since this has already happened, then you should not preoccupy yourself with it. His marriage to her is not necessarily a punishment for a sin committed by you; it might just be a trial from Allaah so we advise you to be patient with it. For more benefit on the excellence of being patient, please refer to Fatwa 83577.

In any case, if you had committed sins, you are obliged to repent for having committed them. Allaah Says (what means): {And turn to Allaah in repentance, all of you, O believers that you might succeed.} [Quran 24:31]

Indeed, there is nothing that happens in the universe except with the Predestination of Allaah, among which is the marriage of your husband to this woman. He has the right to marry her even if he does not love her, let alone if he loves her. The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "The best solution for those who love each other is to marry." [Ibn Maajah] Nonetheless, your husband is obliged to be just between you and her.

With regard to the letter which you mentioned in the question, if he had send it to her after his marriage to her, then he should not have sent it to her with this story, and if this was before he married her, then he is sinful.

As regards your asking his second wife to stay away from her, then if this was after he married her, then this is not permissible. The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: ''It is not lawful for a woman to ask for the divorce of her sister (i.e. the other wife of her husband) in order to have everything for herself.’’ [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] However, if this happened before he married her, then you are right in advising her to stay away from your husband.

In fact, it is natural for a wife to wish that her husband be exclusively for her but she has to be patient if her husband marries a second wife. The two wives of the same husband should deal with each other in kindness but if you fear harm from her or you fear to harm her, then it is more appropriate to stay away from her.

Furthermore, it is not permissible for a woman to ask her husband to divorce her without a sound reason, but if your husband continues to abandon the prayer, then it becomes permissible for you to ask him to divorce you because of his dissoluteness, but you should not hasten to this as he might repent and it might be more beneficial to be patient with him rather than separating from him.

Allaah Knows best.

www.islamweb.net