Negative impact of divorce before having children is significantly milder

15-3-2014 | IslamWeb


I have been married for 2 Years now. Still have arguments with my husband. I feel that we can't understand each other. He consistently disrespects me by calling me names. He has a very stubborn personality and has an extremely high self esteem. That he is never wrong. We don't have any kids as yet as I am scared of bringing an innocent child into an unstable relationship. I have spoken to my husband on meany occasions to stop being disrespectful to me and no change. I have been stressing out. I have seek a shiek advice and mad dua. Should I get a divorce or not?


All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His Slave and Messenger.

We pray that Allaah Almighty facilitates our affairs and yours, to relieve your distress, to bless you with marital happiness with your husband, and to mend the relation between you and him.

The most important advice for you in this respect is to adhere to patience and supplication; verily, they are effective means with which a Muslim can never do without. Allaah, The Exalted, has the power to dispose of all affairs; people’s hearts are under His full control and He directs them as He wants. Therefore, we advise you to resort to Him and seek refuge in Him; verily, whoever seeks relief form his Lord shall never lose and whoever asks Him is never disappointed. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {Is He [not the best] who responds to the desperate one when he calls upon Him and removes evil and makes you inheritors of the earth? Is there a deity with Allaah? Little do you remember.} [Quran 27:62]

Please, refer to Fatwa 83577 about the virtues of patience and Fataawa 88296 and 92363 about the merits and etiquette of supplication.

Each spouse should know his due rights over the other spouse and should keenly observe those rights as due. When this is done, the spouses can relish the sweetness of marital stability and will lead a happy marital life.

One of the due rights of the spouses over one another is to show kindness and respect for each other. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {…And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority].} [Quran 2:228] That said, it is clear that what is mentioned in the question of the husband’s mistreatment of his wife - if proven – contradicts the divine guidance in this respect and is contrary to human morality. A husband is commanded either to live with his wife in kindness and honor or to divorce her in kindness. Please, refer to Fataawa 86618 and 88304.

We are not in favor of hastening to divorce; however, if all the reconciliation attempts reach a dead end and the continuity of the marriage becomes impossible, then divorce may be the preferred choice. Ibn Qudaamah  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him wrote, “The relationship between the two spouses might become bad; it would be a pure evil and harm for their marriage to continue if the husband is obliged to provide sustenance and shelter and keep the wife while their marital relationship is unbearable and they are in a state of continuous quarrel. This would be with no benefit. This entailed the legitimacy of ending the marriage so as to put an end to the harm and evil that is incurred by it.” [Al-Mughni]

If the wife is wronged and harmed, then she has the right to ask for divorce as the scholars underlined. Please, refer to Fatwa 131953 about the legitimate reasons for seeking divorce. Moreover, the negative impact of the divorce before having children is significantly less and milder.

We would like to point out that having children is one of the major objectives of marriage and it is a common right for the husband and wife. Neither of them is entitled to deprive the other of this right without their consent. However, there is no harm in delaying having children for a certain benefit; but both husband and wife have to agree to that decision. For further benefit, please, refer to Fatwa 195927.

Allaah Knows best.