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Treat your wives honourably


My friend's husband told my friend that it is permissible for a husband to be mad and keep silent from his wife for a few days but it is not permissible for a wife to stay mad or keep silent at the husband. According to him, the wife although she is angry, has to pretend to be happy and continue her job as a wife. I am not pleased with his answer as it sounds bias. Please explain.


All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

One of the most important objectives of the Shareeah in legislating marriage is that peace, tranquility, affection, love and friendship prevail between the spouses. It is for this reason that Allaah ordered us to treat women kindly and live with them honorably. Allaah Says (what means):

  • {And live with them honorably.} [Quran 4:19].
  • {And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable.} [Quran 2:228].

Since it is forbidden in general for a Muslim to desert his fellow Muslim without an Islamicly sound reason, then this matter is even more confirmed between the spouses. The most thing that is mentioned in religious texts in regard to the husband deserting his wife is to not share the bed with her or to not have sexual intercourse with her; this is conditioned on having a sound reason for doing so, which is when the wife is disobedient to her husband and does not give heed to any admonition or advice that he gives her. Nonetheless, it is not permissible for the wife to refrain from sharing the same bed with her husband.

As regards the statement that the wife should pretend to be happy in front of her husband, then this is not a correct statement. However, she is obliged to obey her husband in lawful matters in all cases. Undoubtedly, if a woman pretends to be pleased with her husband and shows that she is keen to gain his affection, then she wins the goodness of this world and that of the Hereafter.

It is confirmed that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "Shall I not inform you who will be your wives in Paradise (from those whom you married in life); the one who is kind and gives birth to children. If she is angry or if her husband mistreats her she says: "Put your hand in mine. I will not sleep until you become pleased with me." [At-Tabaraani]

Finally, showing that one is pleased with the other partner and repelling evil with kind treatment applies to both the husband and the wife and is not limited to the wife only.

Allaah Knows best.

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