Wife Wants to Stay Far from Him After Miscarriage
19-2-2019 | IslamWeb
Assalamu Alaikum Sheikh,I recently married to my second wife last year (without the knowledge of first one as she is against this) on the condition that she will give up her rights but I put the condition at the time of nikah that I will do whatever I could with my own will to give her what she needs and we agreed to this in front of an imam. She is a practicing muslima and I married her for the sake of deen and increase the number of children in sha Allah. My question is if wife has given up her rights and so do I, does that mean she can do whatever she wants from her own will and not listen to me and be disobedient? I love her and care for her a lot but sometimes she gets stressed out very quickly which is harmful for her health (she has a brain tumor which she is stubborn to not get treated) and I want that I be near her as she has some severe health conditions but she does not treat me as a normal husband and also do not act as a normal wife like sharing problems etc. Fyi, we do not live in the same house due to local restricted rules on polygamy, hence its an undeclared marriage as well. I do not want her to give me rights but is obedience of a wife covered by the concept of conditional marriage between us. We recently lost triplets after she had miscarriage in 4th month and since then she wants to go far from me which I think is something that is out of sadness but I have asked her not to go far. I do not want her to commit sin because of being disobedient as there are many ahaadith on rewards for being an obedient wife. Kindly respond to this in detail. JazakAllah Khair
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
We did not understand what you meant by saying that you put a condition “to do whatever I could with my own will to give her what she needs”. In any case, the husband is obliged to fulfill the rights his wife has upon him. However, whatever rights she has renounced, then you are not obliged to fulfill them.
For more benefit on the rights of spouses towards each other, please refer to Fataawa 85308 and 83157.
We must state here that you must be fair between both wives in regard to spending on them and staying overnight with them.
The wife is obliged to obey her husband in what is permissible, and the fact that she had renounced some of her rights does not affect the right of obedience to the husband; which means she is still obliged to obey you.
For more benefit on the criterion on the basis of which the wife must obey her husband, please refer to Fataawa 133365, 91208, and 91788.
In regard to saying that your wife “wants to go far from you”; if you meant that she refrains from answering your call to bed, then she is Islamically not permitted to do so without a legislate excuse, otherwise she would be rebellious and disobedient.
Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet said: “If a husband calls his wife to bed (to have sexual intercourse) and she refuses, and he goes to bed angry with her, the angels will curse her until she gets up in the morning.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
If this is the case, then advise her with soft and gentle words and remind her of Allah.
The fact that you are good and compassionate with her is good and we ask Allah to reward you for this. She should recompense a kind act with a similar kind act.
Allah knows best.