Assalamu Aleykum. I got married at the age of 25, while my wife was 18. After one year of marriage, we had a son, and he is 2 years old now. At first, we were happy, but after some months, I started to abuse her and beat her. After that, I realized (my mistake) and started being friendly with her. After a year, I moved to another city and brought my family here after another year. My wife had some problems with my parents. My father is an angry man. He sometimes abuses my wife, and she started arguing with him. As I was away for a year, I used to calm her by calling her. Now, after moving here, she started pointing towards my parents. I get angry all the time when she talks about my parents. She is very rude to me. I started beating her when she was arguing about my parents. Once, she tried to drink Phenoil in front of me. I was so worried about my situation. Then I sent her to her home. As my mother is sick, she refused to go to my home; however, I sent her to my home before going to her home with her brother. She did not give them the salam greeting, and she remained quiet and called her mother after a few hours and started crying and went home. Five days passed, and I have not received a call from her. I drank alcohol and called her and started arguing with her mother. I do not know how to get out of this situation. As for information, she is very rude to everyone. She will not behave like a woman should in Islam. I cannot explain it in my words, as I am not very good in English. My parents saw her behavior, and they suggested divorcing her. I love her and want to have a happy family. Please help me; what am I to do?
May Allah make it easy for you and your family.
Life is a struggle, and the only way to be at ease and content is to seek the pleasure of Allah alone. The only way to do that is to follow the Qur’an and Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. There are many verses in the Qur’an and hadiths on the subject of marriage which show that it is part of our religion, but we need to learn and then have patience in applying what we have learned.
In order to have a successful marriage, you need to increase your faith by being obedient to Allah and staying away from sins. If a person strengthens his relationship with Allah, Allah will fix his problems with others. He created us to worship Him alone, turn to Him alone, love Him, fear Him, hope for His rewards, and be truthful with Him. Guard your obligatory daily prayers, and put what Allah ordered you to do before your personal desires. You mentioned that you drank alcohol; this is a major sin, for which you should repent to Allah. Many people do not know that personal sins have an effect on their relationships; therefore, strengthening your faith is the most important step in having a successful marriage.
Being the head of the family, you have the responsibility to bring the family back to order and compassion. You said that you abused your wife, so apologize to her and show her that you love her and that you regret doing anything harmful to her. When you do that for the sake of Allah, Allah will change your situation.
To change your situation, you have to be patient with what I am about to tell you and not be in haste or be unconvinced. Here is my advice to you:
1- As mentioned before, change your life by strengthening your faith.
2- Repent to Allah from all sins.
3- Guard your prayers on time, especially in the masjid.
4- Do not leave your wife by herself; live together. Even if it is more expensive, it is important to stay together.
5- You have to be extremely kind to your wife; never say harsh words to her, let alone beating her, and treat her with respect and love.
6- Oppose her rudeness with gentleness and patience.
7- Advise your wife to be patient with your parents, and show her that you understand that they are harsh towards her so that she feels that you are supportive and not against her.
8- Minimize the interaction between your parents and your wife by keeping your wife with you. At the same time, be very kind to your parents.
9- What you mentioned in your letter is not sufficient to divorce your wife; rather, you need to change, and so does she, so be patient.
10- Supplicate Allah that He bless your family; it is the most successful tool ever.
May Allah make it easy and bless your family for you.