1- Make your wife happy and you will be happy:
You must give to take. This is one of the laws of life, and if you give happiness to your wife, you will receive happiness. You should know that the first one to benefit from your wife’s happiness is you. That is because if you succeed in making her happy, she will spare no effort to make you happy and return the favor. The woman is a delicate and sensitive creature who refuses to take without giving, because she inclines by nature to giving and sacrificing for the sake of those whom she loves.
You can follow these steps to make your wife happy:
· Consult her in your affairs
· Be gentle with her
· Give her orders in a kind manner, without haughtiness and arrogance
· Provide her with enough money to meet her needs and the home appliances she needs.
· Joke and play with her from time to time
· Dedicate part of your time to her and never let your work distract you from entertaining her
· Let her know that you love her and feel protective about her
· Give her gifts
· Take into consideration her physical and psychological tensions and endeavor to solve her problems
· Overlook her simple faults and avoid overburdening her with demands
2- Pay attention to your personal hygiene:
Personal hygiene is one of the most important things that make both husband and wife lead a happy life together. Neglecting this aspect makes each of the spouses repel the other. We have seen many marital disputes and problems that led to divorce because the husband is negligent regarding cleaning his mouth, body or armpits, or due to his insistence on smoking or leaving the bathroom unclean after using it, or other behavior that indicate that the man does not care much for his personal hygiene.
Islam is the religion of cleanliness:
Ibn Al-Jawzi said,
I have noticed that many people neglect their personal cleanliness. Some of them do not clean their teeth after eating with a toothpick; some do not wash their hands thoroughly from the smell of meat and fats after eating; some almost never use the Siwaak (tooth stick), apply Kohl, remove the armpit hair, and so on. This negligence has evil worldly and religious impacts. As for the religious evils, the believer is commanded to clean himself and take a bath on Fridays to prepare himself before the gathering of Friday Prayer. He is also forbidden from entering the mosque if he had eaten garlic, and the Sharee‘ah commanded us to clean the finger joints, trim the nails, use the Siwaak, shave the pubic hair, and so on.
With regard to the worldly evils, some of those who neglect their personal cleanliness speak to me from a close distance, unaware of the harm they are causing. When they start speaking to me, I cannot turn away from them because they wish to confide something to me and I, therefore, suffer greatly because of the smell of their mouths.
This also may make one’s wife feel disgust; however, she may prefer not to tell her husband, but it ends up in her aversion towards him.
Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, used to say, “I like to adorn myself for my wife, just as I like her to adorn herself for me.”
The Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the cleanest of all people and his smell was the best. No one ever smelled an unpleasant smell from him.
The wise people said, “Whoever cleans his clothes, his worries diminish, and whoever maintains a good smell, his mind becomes sounder.”
Moreover, people love the person who preserves his personal cleanliness for his cleanliness and good smell.
Finally, such a man pleases his wife, since women are the counterparts of men and they dislike uncleanliness just as men dislike it. However, a man can show patience with what he dislikes, but the woman may fail to do so. [Summarized from Sayd Al-Khaatir]
3- Get rid of worries:
Worry is the bitter enemy of happiness, and whoever lives while being captured with worries can never enjoy happiness.
Some people may fear that their marriage would collapse, but they should know that worry is useless and will not solve the problem. On the contrary, worry worsens the problems and paralyzes the mind. In fact, worry is a problem in itself and we should treat it first before treating other problems.
Worry that is related to marriage is usually due to three causes:
A- Fear of inability to provide for the family
B- Fear of financial problems
C- Fear of any change in the wife’s conduct in such a way that leads to separation
D- Fear of inability to achieve sexual adjustment or satisfying the wife’s sexual needs
E- Fear of a sudden death that may destroy the family
This kind of worry is needless and it only obsesses the wavering people who rely on the means, rather than Allah, The Almighty. One is only required to act and then leave the results to Allah, The Almighty, along with absolute satisfaction with the Divine Decree and Judgment. Then, there is no harm in utilizing the available means along with complete reliance on Allah, The Almighty, and asking Him to bestow safety and security upon one’s family.
4- Avoid irritability:
Completely avoiding anger is very difficult; however, the wise man should not be irritable, or allow any act or behavior to provoke him. A reasonable man should not surrender to anger in such a way that turns it into one of his characteristics, because this will destroy his happiness and fill his life with misery and sorrow. If anger exceeds the proper limits, it will make one deal with others unjustly and cruelly.
The Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “The strong man is not the one who is undefeatable in a fight, but the strong man is he who controls himself in a fit of rage” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
The majority of divorce cases take place under the influence of anger. Then, when the man calms down, he regrets what he has done.
However, this divorce may be irrevocable which means that regret will be of no use and the husband will lose his beloved wife forever, unless another man marries her and then divorces her [then the first husband may marry her again]. There is no doubt that this is very difficult for any man with dignity.