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Enduring what your child enjoys

When Allah the Almighty bestows upon someone the blessing of children, He in fact has conferred the best worldly adornment upon him, especially if those children are healthy and lively like all normal children. It is a great pleasure for us to see them grow day by day and we are always eager to observe their every next development.

Today, the teeth have appeared, tomorrow they will crawl and soon they will walk and run spreading liveliness everywhere in the house.

We then give full rein to our imagination, imagining their weddings and the day when those little children will assume the best offices.

Shortly after that, children unexpectedly become noisy and disobedient.

These disturbing behaviors are, in fact, very normal and they are even considered signs of the child’s psychological health. What we, the adults, call disruptive behavior such as leaping, running, shouting, scattering toys and the like represent the child’s daily occupation that he enjoys performing without any disturbance.

Unfortunately, many parents do not understand the innocent and spontaneous behavior of their children in this way, and therefore, they fail to make use of these patterns of behavior as a means of education; rather, they deal with them in a wrong way, and sometimes these interactions could lead to uncomfortable situations at home. There are numerous instances and circumstances that we can observe in our surroundings, and it is probable that many of us have also had these experiences in our lives.

Here are two such common instances of disruptive behavior and the way you should handle them

Drawing and writing on walls:

Drawing and writing on walls are considered among the chief joys and entertainment of the child, who finds happiness in doing this. However, these actions deface the walls and repulse whoever looks at them. In addition, they require effort in cleaning them or may need money to fix them.

Then, what is the solution?

Should we beat and rebuke the child?

Should we deprive him of this joy and entertainment to protect the walls?

Alternatively, should we give full rein to him and leave him write on the walls as he wishes?

Punishing the child severely or harmfully may make him hate writing and painting for the rest of his life. So, let us consider a better solution to deal with this. For example, the mother may engage calmly in the following dialogue with the child:

Mother: No, son. You should not have drawn on the wall because this makes us unhappy. Take this sketchbook and draw whatever you want in it, and we will hang your paintings on the wall. Isn’t this better?

At the same moment, the mother should start cleaning the wall and fulfill her promise to hang the child’s drawings on the wall. Then, she should appreciate her child’s artistic talent and effort, and introduce them proudly to visitors and friends saying, “look at the paintings of our little artist.”

Through this compassionate approach, refined treatment and clever encouragement, the child will progress to taste beauty, creativity and excellence. It is also proven method to staighten our child’s behavioral defects.

The noise:

Dear educator, imagine the following situation: After a long day of work, you home feeling extremely tired and with a strong desire to rest. When you begin to take a rest, you suddenly hear the sound of unruly horses running back and forth in the salon and between the rooms of the house. No! They are not horses; they are the apple of our eyes holding one of the innocent celebrations of childhood. However, what about the indispensable times of rest?

If we rebuke the children and beat them, they would only understand that we are trying to deprive them of their natural right to run and jump. On the other hand, if we leave them they will get used to disrespecting the feelings of others (especially the working adults, sick persons, old-age people) who need rest.

In this context also, the three questions become relevant as they were raised in the previous scenario.

Then, what is the solution?

Should we beat and rebuke the child?

Should we deprive him of this joy and entertainment to proceed with the relaxation?

First of all, the parents should always ask themselves the following questions to tackle these kinds of issues:

- If I were in the place of this young child, how would I behave in such a situation?

- What would I like to hear from my parents when they guide and direct me?

The more parents think this way towards their children, the more they will be able to understand and deal with them. In the light of those two questions, when we need to sleep or just need some rest, we can resolve this noise problem with the two following tactis:

The first tactic: Try to attract the children’s attention to do other things that they like during these times. For example, encourage them to watch a beneficial movie, play in the house garden, paint in their rooms, and so on.

The second tactic: Try to make them choose the correct and disciplined behavior. For example, the mother can say, “Who loves Daddy?” Of course, the children will answer in one voice, “Me!” Then, she says, “Daddy has returned from work and he is tired and needs some rest. The one who loves Daddy the most will remain quiet. What do you think?” I believe the children will answer unanimously, “Ok Mom.”

The child will accept these words because they are full of love and do not deprive him of his favorite activity. Moreover, this approach respects the child’s reason and personality and clarifies to him the causes why noise is not acceptable at this particular time.

Nevertheless, educators should allow the children to make some noise when playing. That is because the children like loud sounds and become excited while playing, which makes their voices loud. The adults may please the children by playing with them and sharing the noise and loud voices with them.

Even the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) the role model of human beings, used to play with the children in their noisy and innocent games.

It was narrated that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) used to line up ‘Abdullah and ‘Ubaydullah and Katheer, sons of Ibn ‘Abbas  may  Allah  be  pleased  with  them all, and then say: “Whoever reaches me first, I will give him such-and-such.” Thus, they would race until they fell on his back and chest and he kissed and embraced them.

In this way, we cannot just endure the innocent entertainment of our children; we can even please them by sharing their moments of joy and happiness. In this way, they will love us more and our ability to guide them to what is good will be easier.

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