Parents cannot force their son to marry a certain girl Fatwa No: 120515
- Fatwa Date:20-4-2009
assalamu aleikum Iam in situation where i am presented a girl by my parents, but i already like somebody else which my parents is not huge favor of it. so question is should i follow my desires or my parents. please know person i like likes islam 1) In islam can i talk to 2 girls or more at the sametime to find which one is better for me to get married with? with the walis acknowledgemet of our situation 2) Could you define who is the religious woman? 3) what are some important questions i can ask during my search?
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
The parents do not have the right to oblige their son to get married to someone whom he does not like to marry and they should not prevent him from marrying someone he likes to marry. Therefore, if the first girl is religious and you can achieve the desire of your parents by marrying her, then Allaah may bless her for you because of being kind and dutiful to your parents. However, if you have no desire in marrying her, then you are not obliged to obey them, but you should try to convince them that you are not interested in her.
As regards your marriage to the other girl whom your parents object to you marrying her, then you should also try to convince them to accept your wish. If they accept, then praise be to Allaah, but if they insist on refusing, then obeying them comes in priority over marrying her; this is the principle. However, if she is religious and your parents do not have a sound reason for refusing, and you fear to be tempted by her because your heart is attached to her, then you are permitted to marry her even if they object to you. If they are angry, then you should try to please them.
Moreover, we have already issued Fatwa 88135 explaining the religious method of looking at a woman and proposing to her, and it is permissible for a Muslim man to approach more than one girl (at the same time). However, it is more appropriate for a young man to send his mother or one of his female relatives to see the girl first, and then he would ask to see her, because refusing the engagement after seeing the girl may cause an embarrassment to both sides. Furthermore, it is not permissible for a young man to stay in seclusion with a girl whom he wants to get engaged to, even with the knowledge of her guardian because she is a non-Mahram to him.
As regards the questions that one may ask when approaching a woman for marriage, then there is no need for this in principle, rather, what should be considered is the conduct of the woman, her religion and morals, and this is a matter about which you may be reassured through the trustworthy people who know her, because it might be that the girl may agree with you about every word that you say, but after she moves to the marital home, she will appear with her bad reality. This is what we notice among many married people because of not treading the correct path in choosing their partner. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 2742.
Allaah Knows best.