No obedience to parents or in-laws in what displeases Allah
Fatwa No: 347518

Question

I live in Saudi Arabia, and my wife lives with my parents. She is Islamic and obedient, but my parents want to force her to talk and mix with all our relatives. She does not like this culture. She complains me about it, and when I interfere, my parents get angry and say that I am disobeying them. They also say that they feel embarrassed in society due to me because I try to stop my wife from joining weddings and such. My questions are the following:1. Am I disobeying my parents regarding above mentioned issues?2. Do I have the right to put a stop to these activities given that my wife supports me? She also wants to be reserved and keep herself safe from all eyes.Kindly advise.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.

You are not disobeying your parents in this situation if what they want your wife to do prohibited acts such as mixing with non-Mahram (marriageable) men, impermissible exposure of beauty, looking at what is prohibited, and the like. Rather, this is the right thing to do in such a situation. It is impermissible for children to obey their parents in such matters; there should be no obedience to a created being in what constitutes disobedience to the Creator. ‘Ali narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, “There is no obedience in matters involving disobedience to Allah. Obedience is only in what is good.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] Please refer to fatwa 84942 about the limits of the children's obedience to their parents.

You have the right to prevent such matters; rather, it is your duty to prevent them and help your wife stay away from misdeeds. Allah, The Exalted, says (what means):

- {O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.} [Quran 66:6]

- {...and cooperate in righteousness and piety, but do not cooperate in sin and aggression.} [Quran 5:2]

Your parents' remarks about social embarrassment should not be taken into consideration; verily, there is no good in doing what incurs the wrath of Allah, The Almighty, even if it pleases all people. ‘Aa'ishah reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, “Whoever seeks the pleasure of Allah by incurring people's wrath, Allah will suffice him from the people, and whoever seeks the people's pleasure by incurring the wrath of Allah, He will entrust him to the people.” [At-Tirmithi]

You should know that your wife is entitled to live in a separate house independent from her parents or your parents or any other of your relatives, where she would not face inconveniences like what you mentioned; please refer to fatwas 84608 and 89954.

Allah knows best.

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