Living in Kindness - I

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Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {O mankind, fear your Lord, Who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allah is ever, over you, an Observer.} [Quran 4:1] 

Islam encourages marriage and clarifies the wisdom behind it and its rulings, benefits, and virtues. In this article, we will mention some tips for men and women who are about to get married. These tips will serve as reminders for those who already know them and enlightenment for the ones who are ignorant of them.

The wife's rights over her husband:

Let us take a look at a bright image from the house of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ): Al-Aswad  may  Allah  have  mercy  upon  him said, “I asked ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, ‘What did the Prophet do at home?’ She said, ‘He used to serve his family and when it was time for the prayer, he would go out for prayer.’” [Al-Bukhari]

• Happiness lies in the right choice:

Allah The Almighty has made marriage one of the causes of happiness in this life and has created in humans an instinct for marriage. Marriage can be source of tranquility and happiness if harmony prevails between the two spouses. Allah The Almighty has bestowed on people the blessing of marriage. The Almighty Says (what means): {And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He laced between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.} [Quran 30:21]

It was narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Amr, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said: “The worldly life is enjoyment and the best enjoyment of life is a righteous wife.”

• Marriage is the crown of virtue:

Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd  may  Allah  have  mercy  upon  him said,

“Marriage is a legitimate relationship that is established by a contract between a man and a woman with certain conditions and pillars approved by the Sharee’ah (Islamic legislation). Because of its importance, most jurists and scholars of Hadeeth (Prophetic narration) gave it priority over Jihaad (struggle), since Jihaad can only performed by men and marriage is the only way to beget children who will grow up into men. Marriage has great value that is indispensable for the stability and uprightness of life, thanks to its great benefits and noble purposes…”

Allah The Almighty highlights the greatness of marriage and refers to it as ‘the solemn covenant’. This means the covenant that is based on the principle of keeping [one’s wife and treating her] in a [commonly] acceptable manner or releasing [her] with good treatment. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {But if you want to replace one wife with another and you have given one of them a great amount [in gifts], do not take [back] from it anything. Would you take it in injustice and manifest sin? And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?} [Quran 4:20, 21]

Muslim men should know that a wife is a trust for whom they will be held accountable on the Day of Judgment. The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said: “Be advised to act kindly towards women.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

• Exchanging presents:

Exchanging presents especially between spouses is á means of implanting love between them. The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said: “Exchange presents so that you would love one another.” [Al-Albaani]

Wife’s rights over her husband:

A quote from the book ‘Fifty Counsels of the Prophet to Women’ : “Marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman for the sake of bringing up a righteous generation who worship Allah The Almighty and develop and populate the earth. The bases of marriage in Islam are love, affection and putting the other partner first. For a marriage to last, Allah The Almighty stipulated rights for the husband and wife that should be fulfilled.”

First: Good treatment and living in kindness

The wife is a trust that is kept in the husband’s house, so he should treat her well and speak to her kindly. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {...And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them -- perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.} [Quran 4:19] The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said: “A believing man is not to hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” [Muslim]

Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said: “Be advised to act kindly to woman, for woman was created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its top. If you attempt to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, its crookedness will remain there. So be advised (to be kind) regarding women.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said: “The best of you are the best of you to their wives and I am the best of you to my wives.” [Al-Albaani]

Second: Protecting the wife, respecting her and feeling jealous for her:
Protective jealousy for one’s wife is instinctual. Sa‘d ibn ‘Ubaadah, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “If I saw a man with my wife, I would strike him (behead him) with the blade of my sword.” The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said: “You, people, are astonished at Sa’d’s jealousy. By Allah, I am more jealous [for my wives] than he is and Allah is more Jealous [for His slaves] than I am. It is because of this jealousy that Allah has made both apparent and concealed immorality unlawful.” [Al-Bukhari]

In his book ‘Rawdhat Al-Muhibbeen’, Imam ibn Al-Qayyim  may  Allah  have  mercy  upon  him mentioned some kinds of jealousy that are good and others that are dispraised. He said,

"There are different types of jealousy which can be explained as religious zeal in the first and second case and as manly zeal in the third case:

1. Jealousy of the slave when one of the prohibitions of Allah The Almighty are violated
2. Jealousy of the slave that his heart would rely on anyone other than Allah The Almighty or enjoy company of someone more than he enjoys the company of Allah The Exalted.
3. Jealousy regarding one’s womenfolk.
The abovementioned types are jealousy that Allah The Almighty and His Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) like. Any other type of jealousy is one of the plots of a devil or a trial from Allah The Almighty, such as the wife’s jealousy when her husband gets remarried."

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