Living in Kindness - II

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• Helping the wife to preserve her chastity

This is an established right of the wife that was mentioned in the Sunnah (tradition) of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ). It was narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Amr ibn Al-‘Aas, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said to him: “O ‘Abdullah! Have I not been informed that you fast all the day and stand in prayer all night?” I said, ‘Yes, O Messenger of Allah!’ The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said: “Do not do that! Observe fasting and break your fast; stand up for voluntary night prayer and sleep. Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you. Thus, give each its right.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said that the wife has a right over her husband. Fulfilling this right is considered an act of worship for which the man is rewarded. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Tharr Al-Ghifaari, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said: “…and in the sexual act of each of you there is charity.” They (the Companions) said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, when one of us fulfils his sexual desire will he have some reward for that?’ He said: “Do you not think that were he to fulfill it unlawfully he would bear a sin? Likewise, if he fulfills it lawfully, he will have a reward.” [Muslim]

• Keeping one’s wife’s secrets

This is one of the mutual rights for both the husband and wife.
It was narrated on the authority of Abu Sa‘eed Al-Khudri, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said: “The most wicked of people on the Day of Judgment is a man who goes in to a woman (his wife) and she goes in to him, and then he divulges her secret.” [Muslim]

• Financial maintenance

Allah The Almighty Says (what means):
{Lodge them [in a section] of where you dwell out of your means and do not harm them in order to oppress them. And if they should be pregnant, then spend on them until they give birth.} [Quran 65:6]
{Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable.} [Quran 2: 233]

These two verses deal with the financial maintenance of the woman during her ‘Iddah (waiting period), so maintenance is worthier for the wife who is not divorced.

Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah Has Given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.} [Quran 4:34]

Commenting on this verse, Imam Ibn Katheer  may  Allah  have  mercy  upon  him said, “{And what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.} refers to the dowry and the financial maintenance that Allah The Almighty ordained in the Quran and the Sunnah of His Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ).”

It was narrated by Abu Daawood  may  Allah  have  mercy  upon  him that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) was asked about the rights of one’s wife, and said: “Give her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not strike her on the face, and do not desert her except in the bed.” [Abu Daawood]

Here one remembers the Hadeeth that was narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her. She said, “Hind, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, said, ‘O Messenger of Allah! Abu Sufyaan is a miser. Am I allowed to take some of his money secretly?’ The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said to her: “You and your child may take what is commonly [considered] reasonably sufficient. ”

It was narrated by Muslim  may  Allah  have  mercy  upon  him that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said during the Farewell Hajj: “Their provision (i.e. the wives’) and clothing according to what is commonly acceptable are their rights over you (i.e. the husbands).”

• Being patient with the wife's mistakes and disregarding them

Perfection is not one of the characteristics of humans, but, in fact, it is human to err. Thus, men are advised that they should disregard the minor faults of t wife. The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said: “A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” [Muslim]

Hence, a wise husband should not reproach his wife for every fault, but he should look for excuses to justify what she did and advise her as much as possible.

• Teaching her matters of the religion

Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And enjoin prayer upon your family [and people] and be steadfast therein. We ask you not for provision; We provide for you, and the [best] outcome is for [those of] righteousness.} [Quran 20:132]

Commenting on this verse, Ibn Katheer  may  Allah  have  mercy  upon  him said, “Save them from the punishment of Allah The Almighty by enjoining prayer upon them and be patient.”

It was narrated by Muslim  may  Allah  have  mercy  upon  him that whenever the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) would get up for Witr prayer, he used to say: “Get up, O ‘Aa’ishah!”

Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, interpreted the verse in which Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {…protect yourselves and your families from a Fire} [Quran 66:6] as to mean, “Obey Allah, avoid sins and order your families to remember Allah The Almighty so that He saves you from the Fire.”

The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) used to teach his wives religious matters and approved of one of his Companions who offered the memorized verses of the Quran as dowry for the woman he wanted to marry.

• Treating wives equally and justly if the husband has more than one wife
Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].} [Quran 4:3]

‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Amr ibn Al-‘Aas, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said: “Just people would be on pulpits of light to the right of The Most Merciful - and both His Hands are right. Those are the ones who are just with regard to their ruling, families, and whatever they are in charge of. ” [Al-Albaani: Al-Jaami‘ As-Sagheer]

It was narrated in At-Tabaqaat by Ibn Sa‘d  may  Allah  have  mercy  upon  him that he said,
“During the illness of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) he would be carried every day and night to stay with one of his wives. The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) would say: ‘Where will I be tomorrow?’ One of his wives understood that he wanted to know when was the day of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, and she told his other wives about that. Thus, the wives of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) said, ‘O Messenger of Allah! We permit you to stay at the house of ‘Aa’ishah as it is hard for you to be carried every night.” The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) asked them: “Do you all agree?” His wives said, “Yes.” He said: “Take me to ‘Aa’ishah, then.”

Remember the Hadeeth (narration) of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) that says: “The conditions that are most worthy of fulfillment are those by virtue of which sexual relations are made lawful for you.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

The husband, as a role model, should respect his in-laws and honor them, especially his parents-in-law; they should feel that he is a son to them. He should also be dutiful to his family and parents. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess.} [Quran 4:36]

We must be careful not be one of those who are rough to their families and gentle and agreeable with strangers.

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