Assalam Alikum wa rahmatu Allah:

First I want to thank you for this great site and that what made write to you asking for your help

I am an Arabian girl who lives in US for the mean time. A come from very religious family and I know that you always hear that from everybody but I mean what I say.
My brothers are from Ahl Aljamaa wa suna, and they are mashayekh here, which they are asked for opinions and fatawas.

For years there plan was to have a husband for just like them or even more, and anyone
who used to come, they refuses because he doesn?t meet their requirements. Until couple month ago a guy came who almost met all their standards, and everything went fine, so we started talking to know each other more, and started planning the future, and how that we will help each other get the knowledge about religion and be support to each other in memorizing Quran, which 5 chapters were left for him to finish. So he was almost so great as I always wished and we set a date for out permit marriage ? Kateb Ketab?
but the problem that so many people started talking about us and how hard it is for us to get along because I am from the east ?Sham? and he is from the west ?Magrib? and that really affected my family?s opinion and started getting fears mostly because they plan to go back to our homeland a month from now.
I want to tell you that they knew from the beginning that me and him will stay here for another 3 years for him to get his degree, and my family didn?t have much problem with that. But after nagging that came from all around and what?s happening here they decided that I cannot stay here, and asked my opinion, and they said what ever my opinion they are not happy with this marriage. And I told them to do what ever they want. And for sure couple days before ?Kateb Ketab? they told him we are sorry but we cannot complete this marriage.
And it has been a month now since we broke up but I just cannot forget him or not think of him any single day.
Please don?t tell me that because it is my first try and that?s why I got so attached to him, because I wasn?t a perfect girl and he wasn?t the first ever to talk to and I am really ashamed to say that but allah has granted me the right path alhamduillah.
I don?t know what to do I really feel that I shouldn?t agree on leaving him from the first place, and I still have hope since I still have a month here before I move.

Please I need your help I prayed ESTEKHARA and felt so comfortable to him and he did the same thing.
The biggest problem I cannot talk to anyone in the family about that, I was in bad shape in the first week, and now they think that I feel better or I forgot but indeed I cry every time I set alone, and I am getting more attached to him even though I didn?t talk to him since that at all.

Please help me and tell me is there any way to get him back.

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions.

Dear Sister,
May Allah ease the suffering of the brokenhearted of the believers, and heal every hurt of those who love and serve Him!
From your letter we see many blessings from Allah upon you that perhaps in your suffering now you may not fully appreciate. Let?s look at them together. First, you are living in a non-Muslim country (USA) when Muslims there are facing many dangers. Yet Allah has blessed you with the protection and council of a righteous, pious family. To be so blessed while living in the US, particularly at this time, is indeed a great mercy from Allah. Treasure it and praise Allah for His bounty to you.

Second, your family wants the best for you. Look at the care and concern they have shown to help you find a husband of outstanding character and piety, not just someone who may be a suitable candidate.

Third, setting a date to settle the marriage contract is also a wise decision since it gives all parties time to reflect upon the seriousness of the bond of marriage, the qualities of the husband and wife-to-be, and the consequences of their union.. Many factors, social and cultural differences, life goals, etc. need to be examined.

The Muslim family weighs all these matters in light of the welfare of the couple in addition to their tender feelings for each other. Hurts and disappointments can be overcome more easily than unwise decisions that result in harms that may last for a lifetime.

Fourth, your family is leaving non-Muslim America to return to a country of believers, Al-Hamdullilah, and want to take you with them. They care for you and your safety, fearing to leave you there without their protection and so distant from their consultation should you need it.

As for the loss of your intended husband, there may be wisdom to letting him go at this time which you cannot know. For example, cultural and social differences can be exceptionally stressful in married life when families resent those differences. When you return to your homeland, certainly you will be able to find a husband suitable to you and your family, insha Allah. Peace, harmony, and mutual support are vital for Muslim society.

A strong family is the foundation of the Ummah, where children are raised and all members strive to observe and respect the rights of each other. This strong unit provides protection for its members as well as the environment for teaching Islam and its practices and the perpetuation of Islamic culture. For this noble cause we are all expected to make certain sacrifices.

You may also find solace by letting your brothers and family know that you appreciate their deep concern for you, your future, and above all your choice of a husband. Let them know that you value their advice and want them to be pleased with your choice as well. Your drawing close to them at this time with sincere affection may help you resolve the present crisis and ease your feeling of loss.

We thank Allah for His inspiration and His admonition. We pray that He will draw us closer to Him.