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Fatwa CenterWhen the mother is obliged to breastfeed her child
Question
Asalamualikum Warehmatullahe Wabarakatu! I am so confused about my situation. I am a mother of 4 young kids (one is new born).My husband has 3 wives and he spend unjustly on his wives . He spend alot on his 3rd wife who don't have no child and he always lives at her home. His 1st lives in USA with 4 kids. (Currently we are in saudi arabia ). He gives me no time and less money then if he finds nothing in my refrigerator he gets mad at me and start talking all kinds of bad words to me actually I am on the path of becoming a psycho because of all his emotional abuse all the time. I make mistakes because I gets terrified by him and he gets more mad I even try to do things right and make him happy but at the end of the day it all turns out bad. I used to keep quiet for number of years about his mistreatment now I can't bite my tongue. I ask him to spend at least equally and give me my proper time he says he don't like me and don't want to be with me . He says separation is best for us. When I ask then divorce me so I can move on with my life he says he will when he ready but for right now he wants to keep me as I'm breastfeeding his child. I can't tolerate that and refuse to breastfeed then he curse me by saying these kinds of words that your kind of women will be begging in streets and there is no success for me in both worlds and Allah will never help me ever. I lobe my kids so much and I love him like crazy I wants to live with my kids but I know he will keep treating me bad one word comes out of my mouth and he rushes to punish me by every mean possible. If I leave my kids then I don't know how wld I live? If I stay with him I'm sure I will loose all my sanity and goodness. I'm so confused. What's the ruling over a bonding a breastfeeding child under these circumstances? What is the sunnah way to deal with this situation? I don't want to do any wrong by my kids. Shall I accept living in separation for my whole life? (I am only 28 years need husband )
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
Scholars held different opinions whether it is an obligation for the mother to breastfeed her child if she is still married to the father; the majority of the scholars held that the mother is not obliged to breastfeed her child unless the child refused to suckle from any other woman or the father is unable to pay for a wet-nurse. Based on this scholarly opinion, you have the right to refuse to breastfeed your child and the father is obliged to provide a wet nurse for him.
The husband is obliged to treat his wives fairly with regard to spending the night. He is obliged to treat them with kindness and justice; however, he is not obliged to provide for them equally. He may favor one of his wives over the others in terms of spending as long as he provides each with her obligatory necessities. Please refer to Fatwa 21141.
We advise you not to refuse to breastfeed your child without valid reason and to live with your husband on good terms and to remind him of his religious obligation to treat you in the same way. If he does not start to treat you fairly and justly, you may weigh the harm incurred by divorce and the harm of remaining married to him and choose the lesser harm.
Allaah Knows best.
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