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Fatwa CenterWife not obliged to obey husband while still in her parents' house before consummation of marriage
Question
I wrote to u about divorcing my second wife, and you replied with question no: 2579784. I divorced her. I intended to divorce her while visiting her, but I did not. I later decided to go back to her house with the intention that if I found her at home, I would not divorce her but that if I did not find her at home, I would divorce her because she would have gone out without my permission. She had gone out with a group of men and women. The agreement was that her mum would confirm my permission for her to go out, but her mum did not. I divorced her when she came home at night and explained that it was due to her persistent disobedience and lack of respect towards me. To be fair, I gave her (the opputunity during) the ʻiddah (post-divorce waiting period) to rectify herself. However, she has never acknowledged my first wife despite telling her. My first wife, against her will and out of obedience and love for me, acknowledges her and has visited her several times. I love my first wife of 11 years like I would no other woman. She is an excellent obedient, religious wife. I cannot fault her. I already have everything that I could wish for in a woman in her. She is my pillar and comfort. We have four kids, and I am very happy and content. I promised my first wife that I would only marry a second one if she agreed. I broke that promise due to my desire for a polygamous life (not for beauty, love, or anything else). Despite that, she is stil an excellent wife. We have an emotional history, and she left everything for me, even her family, who are Christian. None of my family were present when I married my second wife as they refused because of the sacrifice of my first wife for me and the fact that in our society one cannot find an obedient wife like her. I did not tel my mum about my second marriage. My first wife was very hurt when I married my second one and had I known that that would be her reaction, I would not have married the second one. Do you think it is wise to give my divorced second wife a second chance even though despite the divorce she stil does not understand that I want an obedient wife and she stil tells lies. If I had known that she was like this, I would not have married her. I am not attracted to her, I only want to be fair. I do not want fitnah (temptation, tribulation) in my beautiful home that I already have.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
You have mentioned in your previous question that your marriage with this woman had not been consummated. If this is the case, then her obedience is to her wali (guardian) and not to you. Accordingly, she did not need your permission to go out of her house and is not considered a disobedient wife for going out without your permission. Shaykh Ibn Baaz 
was asked, “Does the husband have the right to command his wife to do this and not to do that before marriage consummation while she is still in her father’s house? Is she obliged to obey him in certain matters?” He answered, “As long as the woman still lives in her parents’ house, her husband has no rights over her until she moves to his house. As long as she lives in her parents' house, her parents are the ones responsible for managing her affairs...”
If you divorced her before the marriage consummation and valid khulwah (meeting in seclusion) with her, then the divorce is irrevocable and she has no ʻiddah. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {O You who have believed, when you marry believing women and then divorce them before you have touched them, then there is not for you any waiting period to count concerning them...} [Quran 33:49] You cannot revoke the divorce and have her back in marriage except with a new marriage contract.
If she is as you described, mixing with men and not observing hijab, then she is not a well-mannered and religious wife and it is better if you do not take her back in marriage. We advise you not to rush in opting for polygamy unless it is guaranteed to be beneficial in your situation. If you feared that it may lead to breaking up your family and losing your children, then you should not opt for it with greater reason. Given such evils that may be incurred by polygamy, some scholars held that it is better for the Muslim man to marry one woman only, such as the Hanbalis in the known view of their school. The Hanbali scholar Al-Hajjaawi wrote, “It is recommended to take only one (wife).” [Zaad Al-Mustaqni’]
For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 257272.
Allaah knows best.
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