How to handle a disobedient irresponsible younger brother
Fatwa No: 314425

  • Fatwa Date:16-2-2016 - Jumaadaa Al-Oula 8, 1437
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Question

Assalaamu alaykum. Can u please tell me how to treat my younger brother who is married and has a kid too. I facilitate him by all means but he constantly teases me by his disobedience and irresponsible attitude towards his own life. I myself am a psychotic patient, but he is very careless and does things that make me sick. How should I treat him, and what are my responsibilities towards him in accordance with the Quran? Please refer me to the chapter aswell.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

Firstly, we advise you to implore Allaah to rectify the affairs of your brother and bring him back to his senses. Verily, Allaah, The Exalted, does not let down whoever turns to Him and calls upon Him; He is too bashful to turn down His slave empty-handed when he raises his hands in supplication. Rather, He answers the supplications of His slaves who implore Him, as He promised; He says (what means): {And your Lord says, "Call upon Me; I will respond to you." Indeed, those who disdain My worship will enter Hellfire (rendered) contemptible.} [Quran 40:60]

Secondly, you should adhere to patience; indeed, patience is the best source of comfort when afflictions and calamities take place. Patience is the path to ease and relief from hardships and leads to facilitation of one's affairs. It has been narrated on the authority of Ibn ʻAbbaas  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said in his famous advice to him, "And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and hardship with ease." [Ahmad]

The need to adhere to patience on your part is rather emphasized given your psychological illness; your condition may worsen if you fail to endure your brother's actions.

Thirdly, you should kindly advise him out of compassion and keenness for his best interests; if you believe that it would be better if someone else advises him in this regard, someone whose advice would be most likely accepted, then you should seek that. The important thing is to achieve the objective of rectifying him, regardless of whether that be through you or through someone else. It has been narrated on the authority of Tameem Ad-Daari  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said, "This religion is (built on) naseehah (i.e. sincere advice)." People asked, "To whom, O Messenger of Allaah?" He  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said, "To Allaah, to His Book, to His Messenger, to the Muslim leaders, and to the public at large." [Muslim]

Fourthly, if he accepted the advice and came to his senses, all praise be to Allaah; otherwise, if he carried on with his current attitude, it is advisable that you disregard his actions and preoccupy yourself with other activities so as to pay less attention to his actions and spare yourself any harm. You should also continue to supplicate Allaah for him to a good effect and advise him as long as you believe that your advice will be of real benefit to him. It should be noted that he shall be held accountable for his own actions, and you are not to be burdened with any of his mistakes as long as you constantly advise him, enjoin him to do good, and forbid him from committing evil deeds.

We implore Allaah to bring him back to his senses and to guard him from the evils of his own self and misdeeds; verily, Allaah is close to us and He hears and responds to our invocations.

For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 125131.

Allaah knows best.

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