She wants to marry her lover, but his parents refuse her
Fatwa No: 134498

  • Fatwa Date:18-4-2010 - Jumaadaa Al-Oula 5, 1431
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Question

aslwlkm imaam , i hav a question that i love one afghani boy n we both love each other vry much n want to marry soon bt his family is totally agaist wth me coz i m nt afghani girl n nt frm big family so they want him to marry in his family, and i m nt that bad allamdullila i m namaazi n god fear person so i want to do nikaah aspl so v vil accept frm sin, so plz give us suggestion that wat shud v do coz he is goin threw wth lots of tension frm his family so plz reply me ,,,thank u soo much

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

 

There is no doubt that marriage is the best advice for the people who love each other. It is confirmed that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: “The best solution for those who love each other is to marry.” [Ibn Maajah] Moreover, the Islamic criterion in choosing a spouse is religion; Abu Hurayrah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him narrated that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, her family lineage, her beauty and her religion. So choose the religious one, you will prosper.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Since this young man wants to marry you, he should try to convince his family to accept his marriage to you. If he is successful in doing so, then this is what is required, but if he did not succeed in doing so, and his parents are against this marriage, then he is obligated to obey them, and he is not obligated to marry you. Therefore, he should put the obedience of his parents in priority unless he fears to be harmed, in which case, it becomes permissible for him to marry you even if his parents do not agree to this marriage. Afterwards, he should endeavor to please them.

However, if your marriage with him is not facilitated, then you should not worry, as Allaah might have repelled a harm from you by not marrying him and Allaah may facilitate for you someone who is better than him, as He knows the outcome of matters [and He knows the unseen]. Allaah Says (what means): {Perhaps you dislike a thing and Allaah makes therein much good.}[Quran 4:19] For more benefit on the ways of treating love sickness, please refer to Fatwa 92148.

It should be noted that it is forbidden to establish an affectionate relationship with the opposite sex before marriage as we clarified in Fatwa 81356. Even if Allaah makes a young man love a girl, they should keep themselves chaste, and this should not lead them to commit a forbidden matter, like talking to each other, or being in seclusion with each other and the like.

It should also be mentioned that it is not permissible for the parents or anyone else to oblige their son to marry from a given family or to marry a specific girl.

Allaah Knows best.

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