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Fatwa CenterHe lost hope in finding a good wife
Question
Salamu alaykum. I am 22 years now and I was brought up in the West. I have needed a wife for 10 years now as there is so much fitnah in the Western societies. I hate the process of finding a wife because I never find anyone suitable or if I get in touch with someone suitable (not directly obviously), the process takes so long time and they say that they are not ready or similar things so I have to drop it. I feel the pain in my whole body and especially in my heart every single day because I do not have a wife. I am financially able, I have a degree and after taking my degree I moved to the Islamic world for studying Islam. But I am not able to focus or do anything rightly because my body and soul deeply hurts me and I suffer from depression because I am not married. I have tried through websites and through people I know, and my parents cannot really help me either. The only problem is the pain I feel, I do not know if I am able to live much longer. Sometimes I feel like I will just fall apart or even die very soon because I am not married and cannot handle it anymore. Now I am thinking that I should maybe just wait for Jannah because there I can have a wife without going through all the suffering of finding a wife. Should I just forget about finding a wife in this dunyah and just wait for my wife in Jannah? This will be extremely painful for me until I die, but I feel this maybe is the only option. Please advice me.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
Allaah The Almighty has prescribed and encouraged marriage, and spoken of its high status. So did the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.
Allaah The Almighty says (what means): {And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allaah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allaah is All-Encompassing and Knowing.} [Quran 24:32]
Also, Anas 
narrated that the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “And I marry women. Whoever overlooks my Sunnah does not belong to me.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Scholars have pointed out the benefits of marriage. Az-Zaad (a book of the Hanbali School of jurisprudence) reads: “Marriage is more preferable than voluntary acts of worship if one is under the pressure of sexual desire.” Al Buhooti 
expained this statement in his Ar-Rawdh Al-Murbi’ saying: “For it contains many benefits such as guarding chastity of man and woman, getting progeny and increasing the Ummah (Muslim nation).” [End quote]
Marriage is one of the means that help reforming one’s religion, getting rewards and entering Paradise. Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “When a man dies, all his deeds come to an end except for three – an ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge or a righteous son who will pray for him.” [Muslim]
Moreover, marriage may be compulsory for one who fears committing Zina (adultery or fornication). In any case, a Muslim should not neglect it while he is financially and physically able. Accordingly, you should know that you are not required to - not to mention you are not obligated to - give up looking for a wife in this worldly life and to wait for a wife in Paradise.
We have previously pointed out the ways to find a good wife, kindly refer to Fataawa 85573, 85082 and 193859. We advise you not to despair of getting what you seek, but we warn against going extreme regarding the characteristic of the wife you seek for, lest you will waste your lifetime in vain.
Finally, we advise you to seek the help of Allaah, and do not feel helpless. Rather, search for the means that can help your aim, like having righteous friends who can help you regarding the matters of religion and worldly life; especially, it seems that you need much psychological support and you need those who can stand beside you so that you may achieve your aims.
For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 83577 and 88660.
Allaah Knows best.
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