She has less sexual desire than her husband
Fatwa No: 316924

  • Fatwa Date:8-3-2016 - Jumaadaa Al-Oula 29, 1437
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Question

I have less sexual desire, after all my efforts within the available circumstances, I can not have intercourse more than twice a week. My husband did a second marriage as he has a very strong sexual desire that is not fulfilled by me. I just want to ask whether after this second marriage, I will still be cursed by angels if I refuse my husband. Am I still sinful if I can not fulfil my husband's desire? As for my husband's second marriage with the lady that he married, it is the toughest thing to bear, and I want to bear it for Allaah's sake, my two adorable daughters and I want to get reliefed from my husband's curse of not fulfilling his desire for past nine years. If even after his second marriage, he will still blame me that because of me he is having a miserable life because of my refusal to have intercourse, does he has a right to say that or curse me even now? Now that he has a second wife, he can and should fulfill his sexual desire from his second wife instead of still cursing me, is it not? I live with my in-laws and serve them, I have also been working and have supported my husband in every other way possible for the past nine years. My biggest mistake is that I cannot satisfy my husband's sexual desire to the extent that he wants. Now, when I tell him to fulfill his desire, which I cannot do, with his second wife, he says that he does not need my permission and that I should do what I am ordained to do. What am I ordained to do now after his second marriage? Am I still answerable every time that he asks for it? And am I still sinful every time?

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

Firstly, we would like to thank you for your keenness to foster your husband's chastity by enduring his marriage to another woman in order to achieve that purpose; may Allaah reward you generously for that.

If you do not have a valid excuse for refusing to have intercourse with your husband, then you do not have the right to refuse, as we explained in fatwa 84944. The wife should obey her husband when he expresses his desire for her and if she refuses, then she bears a sin for that and is subject to the threat in the relevant hadeeth.

The fact that you have less sexual desire or that your husband has another wife is not a valid excuse for refusing to have intercourse with your husband. So fear Allaah and be patient and do not allow the Devil to find his way to ruin your marriage and break up your family.

As for your husband, we advise him to consider your feelings about this matter, especially given that he has another wife. It should be noted that your suggestion that your husband should satisfy his sexual desire with his other wife instead is not acceptable; he may sometimes desire you and not her and you are enjoined to obey him when he expresses his desire for you, as previously mentioned.

Allaah knows best.

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