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Mother has no right to prevent daughter from marrying suitable suitor


Assalaamu alaykum. I am interested in marrying a suitable woman; however, an external person interfered in our relationship by contacting my family before I had a chance to speak with them about her and spoke ill of the woman whom I wish to marry. This led to negative sentiments towards her among my family. I urged my family to meet her family and to discuss concerns and resolve issues, but the conversation became very heated, and the woman's mother felt disrespected. A few months later, I have been able to convince my family to reconsider after I clarified the misunderstanding, but her mother is adamantly refusing our union and does not want the families to meet again to give the relationship a second chance (her parents are divorced unfortunately, but she has a respectful relationship with her father). I have spoken to her mother directly, and she is strongly opposed to moving forward based on an initial negative interaction that resulted from an initial misunderstanding. She and I really want to move forward, Allaah willing, and would be devastated by the end of this relationship, but her mother's approval is also important. Please advise. May Allaah reward you.


All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

If this girl is righteous, then it is good to try again to convince her mother to agree to your marriage to her daughter. Harmony supports the continuity of good relations in marital life. And be keen on supplicating Allaah as much as possible as Allaah promised to answer the supplication of the one who supplicates him. Allaah says (what means): {And when My servants ask you [O Muhammad] concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.} [Quran 2:186]

You may seek the help of some of her close friends or relatives whom you think she would respond to. Then, if she agrees, praise be to Allaah, otherwise you should leave this girl and look for another suitable wife.

On the other hand, the girl may try to persuade her mother, and if she is not convinced while she has no sound reason to refuse, then she has no right to prevent her daughter from accepting a competent and suitable man as a husband. The Islamic sharee'ah encourages accepting the proposal of the suitable suitor, as in the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him in which the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said, "If a man whose religion and moral conduct are pleasing to you proposes to you, then let him marry." [At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah]

If the girl decides to be obedient to her mother, then Allaah may bless her with another husband with whom she would live happily in her religion and her worldly life. You must cut all relations with this girl as she is a non-mahram woman (marriageable/alien) to you and, perhaps, if you fear Allaah, then Allaah would bless you with a better wife, who will be a comfort to your eyes both in this life and in the Hereafter. Allaah says (what means): {And whoever fears Allaah - He will make for him a way out. And will provide for him from where he does not expect.} [Quran 65:2-3]

Finally, we point out that the mother has no authority in marrying off her daughter; it is only the girl’s paternal male relatives who can marry her off, and women have no eligibility in this. The men who are worthier in giving a woman in marriage are (in order): her father, her grandfather, her son, her full-brother, her half-brother from the father’s side, then their sons, then their grandsons, then her paternal uncles.

For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 83338.

Allaah knows best.

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