Father rejects suitor for lack of college degree
Fatwa No: 346936

  • Fatwa Date:20-8-2017 - Thul-Qi'dah 28, 1438
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Question

Assalaamu alaykum. I love a guy who is from abroad. I wanted my parents' blessing, so I told my parents that I love this person and related everthing about him to my parents. I love that person because of his religion and for no other reason. I did not look at whether he is beautiful or wealthy or anythng, only his religion. Praise be to Allaah, I asked Allaah for a future partner with some qualities and expectations. This guy corresponds exactly with everything I asked from Allaah, so Allaah has given me him. That is a great pleasure from Allaah that I received. Unfortunately, my mother passed away recently due to breast cancer. While she was still alright, I told my mother about the person whom I love, but they rejected him because he does not have a degree. When my mother was still alright, she said that she liked him but rejected him for the sake of my father because he does not like him. Then afterwards my mother was losing her memory little by little, and during that time, my sister asked my mother whether she liked that guy and she said that she did not. Now she is no longer here in order to ask for her permission. What am I supposed to do? I loved him for the sake of his religion and qualities, but my family is rejecting him because he has no degree and also because of my mother; these are the two reasons for which my family is rejecting him. Please give me a fatwa; what am I supposed to do? What should I do? Please help me with this problem.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger. 

First of all, we present our condolences to you for the death of your mother, and we ask Allah to forgive her and have mercy upon her.

We also ask Allah to bless you with a righteous husband.

We advise you to supplicate Allah as much as possible, as He hears and answers our supplications. A person who hopes in Allah and whose heart is attached to Him will never be at a loss; Allah says (what means): {And when My servants ask you [O Muhammad] concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.} [Quran 2:186]

According to the most preponderant opinion of the scholars, suitability in marriage is in religion and moral conduct, so the parents should not refuse a suitable man for marriage simply because he does not have a college degree. It is hoped that a religious man who has good moral conduct fears Allah in regards to his wife.

Ibn Qudaamah  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him stated in his book Minhaaj Al-Qaasideen that a man asked Al-Hasan Al-Basri, “To whom shall I marry my daughter?” He replied, “To the one who fears Allah, because if he loves her, he will honor her, and if he hates her, he will not be unjust to her.

Therefore, we advise you to try to convince your father and seek the help of righteous people to intercede for you. If he is convinced and accepts that you marry that young man, then all the best. But if he insists on refusing, then we do not advise you to marry him while your father insists on refusing him unless you fear that you would commit a sin with him or with others if you do not marry him. Some scholars explicitly stated that the father must be obeyed if he refuses that his child gets married to a particular person. Perhaps if you refrain from getting married to that man as an act of obedience to your parents, Allah may bless you with a better husband. For more benefit, please refer to fatwas 87690 and 303685.

In addition to this, getting married to someone from a different country may be a cause for some problems in the future, either because of having a different culture than him or because he wishes that his wife moves with him to a country other than that of her family, as a result discord may happen, which could lead to divorce. So you should take this into consideration.

If marrying that man was not made possible, then do not grieve or be in despair as there are many men out there, and Allah may have wanted good for you and repelled harm off you, as He knows the consequences of things; Allah says (what means): {But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.} [Quran 2:216]

Infatuation with a person can be treated; for benefit in this regard, please refer to fatwa 84544. Also, refer to fatwa 83306 about love marriage in Islam.

Allah knows best.

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