Solving Marital Problems to Maintain the Cohesion of the Family
Fatwa No: 461188

Question

Aoa,I was married three years ago, an arrange marriage. After marriage i get to know their lifestyle was totally different than ours. MY MIL created different types of problems since day first. But I was trying to tolerate and ignore. Husband never supported me as I never complained him too. But after 10 months of marriage I had a miscarriage. Behavior of my husband and in-laws was not good. Due to which I asked my mother to take me with them. After two months matter solved. But MIL Created problems again and after 1.5 years of my marriage, my FIL died which created more problems for me and I again came to my parents home. After one week husband took me with him back. After that within one month, again two times MIL created huge fights between me and my husband that even he slapped me once. I again came to my mother house (my MIL was in Iddah at that time) and asked for separate home. 10 months after this my husband divorced me on phone three talaaq at once and then three messages of talaaq.My question is:1. I was zalim and wrong for asking my husband to provide me separate accommodation?As he completely held me responsible for all incidents saying his mother is innocent and never intended to make us fight and he can not leave his widow mom alone.2. Did divorce occur? or we can reconcile?As both of us want to live again together. I am reluctant due to this society culture too that we will not be accepted if allowed by Islam.Kindly help me what should I do?

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

You were not wrong in asking your husband to provide you with an independent accommodation because the wife has the right to ask her husband to be in a separate dwelling that suits her and where she does not find any embarrassment.

For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 86388.

The fact that he does not want to leave his widowed mother alone, does not mean that he has the right to wrong his wife and prevent her from her right; rather, he should give everyone his right.

It is acceptable that you have a separate dwelling even if it is in part of the family home.

With regard to your saying: "My husband divorced me on the phone three talaaq (divorces) at once…”; it is a general term. It is probable that he combined the three divorces in one word i.e. ‘you are divorced thrice’ in one expression. Or that he repeated the expression and said to you: ‘you are divorced’, you are divorced’, ‘you are divorced’; or that he said this while combining them with the conjunction ‘and’ for example [you are divorced, and you are divorced and you are divorced].

It is also probable that he repeated the information and said: ‘you are divorced, divorced, divorced’. Each expression among the three different cases above has its own ruling.
In some of it, there is a need to know the intention of your husband, and whether he intended to issue a new divorce by repeating the word, or that he intended to confirm what he said by repeating the word.

For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 82330, 155573 and 94110.

As regards the case when he wrote the word divorce, then writing the word divorce is one of the metaphors of divorce and divorce does not take place unless the husband had intended it as we have clarified in Fatwa 174947.

As you see, there is a need to know exactly what your husband had said in the first case, and to know the intention of your husband in both cases, in addition to the existence of difference of opinion among the scholars on some issues.

So it is more appropriate for your husband to consult an Islamic court in order to clarify to them what he had exactly uttered and his intention, and the judge would ask him about what needs details. He may also ask orally some scholars if he does not go to the court.

If the judge or the scholar issues to you a Fatwa that you can return to him, then do not take into consideration the view of the society. So, in this case, just return to him and each one of you should have good marital relationship with the other and avoid problems as much as possible in order to maintain the cohesion of the family, and that your husband avoids solving the problem by divorce.

The problems between the wife and the mother in-law, is something that happens a lot. So both of you should be wise and have an understanding so that you may overcome the problems without having a negative impact on your married life.

It is a bad marital relationship that the husband beats his wife and abuses her, as this is an injustice to her, while he is ordered to have good marital relations with her.

Allah Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness.} [Quran 4:19]

Allah knows best.

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