Confused about marrying man engaged to cousin he does not want to marry
Fatwa No: 81952


Assalaamu alaikum Dearest brothers, shukran for answering my questions, but to no avail it has still left me confused. Reason being that i have read through some of the other questions as well as the answeres u supplied , i came across a question 3549 something similar to mine, yet u discouraged this man from marrying her, bringing the matter of CULTURE difference in, as well as quoting from "Rawda Nadia" and saying that "....obedience to ones parents..." i mean this is the same as my case, yet u gave me a reply in the POSITIVE! This man that wishes to marry me is 23yrs old, nearly completing his studies, he is engaged , which he was compelled to when he was younger, and since then we have met and he has shown interest in me. He has good intentions and be assured that i dont take to heart all he tells me , Hence i am writing to you seeking for advice. The thing is he really wants to marry me, and wants to leave his cousin(fiance) cause he cant see a life with her. He has told his mother about me and she has said VEry bad things to him.I dont ask him for this, i have told him to leave me but he is very persistant! I just want to do whats right, i dont want to come between his family and him and where the day will come where he has to choose between the 2.I am muslim, does culture matter? if so why was it not made a number 1 priority by our prophet? was it not encouraged to marry afar, to strengthen the lineage? What should i do? I am confused and all i want to do is whats right. All i seek is for guidance and help. Shukran


Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.

Dear sister in Islam,
We would like to shed more light on the points that were not clear enough to you.
Firstly: You should know, that the man in question is alien to you as long as you haven't married him. It is forbidden for you to show him your adornment or be soft in speech with him and to stay alone with him.
Secondly: The Fatwa differs according to the context of the question itself and the circumstances of the questioner. Hence, we do not advise a man to marry a woman he does not like, as this could have bad consequences and could lead to early divorce. But, we do advise the man in this situation to deal kindly with his parents while trying to convince them of his own choice and to reject theirs.
Thirdly: As your question emphasized mostly your fear to cause harm to the girl to whom the man is engaged, we told you that this is not your problem because you didn't urge him to leave this girl and then it is not your concern.
Fourthly: Islam gives an utmost importance to the choice of the husband or the wife, as the good choice is the beginning of the couple's happy life. In fact, the crux of this matter is not in the abundance of knowledge. It is rather in the application of Islam and the good adherence to its duties, morals and conduct as well as to the rejection of all what could lead to committing sin.
Fifthly: Our advice to you is to make sure that this man is a true and good Muslim. Then tell him to solve his problem with his family in a good and wise way. If he succeeds to do so, accept him as your husband. But if he fails to convince his parents, we think that it is better for you not to get married to him and not to encourage him to disobey his own parents as this could be a seed to a bad relation between you and his parents.
Finally: You should not carry out any important decision before making Istikhara prayer. (For this refer to Fatwa no. 81434)

Allah knows best.

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