Muslim Somali woman in UK seeking husband
Fatwa No: 82471

Question

If a Muslim woman 25 years of age has no help from her family in finding a suitable husband what can she do? I am from Somali living in theUK my parents will not look for a husband for me or my sisters, and there are 6 of us. In our culture the woman's family can't look for husbands, it has to be a male that approaches your family and that is not always very likely to happen. Many of Somalis get married by just meeting in other ways. Most of the time the parents are not aware of how they met. I would not like to meet my future husband in this non-Islamic way. If my brothers would like to get married they would have no problems because that's the way the Somali culture works. I'm looking for a good Muslim man, not some are who does not practise Islam.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

It is a usual tradition that it is a man who proposes to a girl to marry her and not the other way round. Allah Says (what means): {…then marry those that please you of [other] women.} [Quran 4:3]  Furthermore, the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: “So choose the religious one, you will prosper.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Therefore, it is the man who usually proposes to the woman and not the woman who proposes to the man. However, her guardian may look for a pious and righteous husband for her, who will help her to obey her Lord and who will respect her dignity and not humiliate her. So, it is permissible for him (guardian) to propose his daughter for a pious person to marry her.  Ibn Umar  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him narrated that when Hafsah, the daughter of ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him became a widow from her husband Khunays ibn Hudhaafah As-Sahmi, who was one of the companions of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) and who fought in the battle of Badr and died in Madeenah, ‘Umar  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him met 'Uthman ibn 'Affaan  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him and he proposed Hafsah to him saying, “If you wish, I will marry off Hafsah to you.” On that, ‘Uthmaan  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him said, “I will think it over.” He waited for few days and then he met ‘Umar  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him and told him “I am of the opinion that I shall not marry at present.” Then he [‘Umar] met Abu Bakr and said, “if you wish, I will marry off Hafsa to you.” [Al-Bukhari]

Therefore, if your father does this, then all praise be to Allah. Otherwise, you may remind him, even by giving him a hint, that a daughter needs a pious husband and tell him that ‘Umar  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him did so and so for his daughter. If you are embarrassed from doing so, then you may tell your mother or any female relative or any other trustworthy Mahram about this matter. You may speak to any one of them with whom you are not embarrassed to talk about such matters so that they may look for a pious husband for you or expose the matter to your father without hurting you.

You should know that the acquaintance and meetings between boys and girls before marriage is not permissible, so you should not resort to it because it includes forbidden looking and forbidden seclusion and other matters that Allah has forbidden.

on the other hand, if it is not possible to let your father know about this matter by the means which we already discussed, then you may contact the sites that deal with trustworthy marriages and who are concerned with marrying young men and young women.

Finally, you should supplicate Allah to bless you with a pious husband.

Allah knows best.

Related Fatwa