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Fatwa CenterIn love but cannot fulfill it
Question
Two years back I had taken a Fatwa from you. That is 85032. In which you had recommended that in Islam women can also propose a man.
In my case it is not possible. As I belong to another country and have my responsibilities here. He belongs to another country and he has kids, and other responsibility there. He is also not aware of my feeling toward him.
What does Islam say about spiritual love? If you keep loving someone and thinking about him, is it a sin? It is very painful and killing if you love someone and cannot even express it because of your status, age and gender. It has been almost five years now. I do not even see him or talk to him. This time when I went to Saudi Arabia I met him for a very short period. Islam says it is sin even to look at man. I have mentioned it in my previous question that he is my cousin so I had contacted him.
After my return from SA, the pain has been killing me. I was about to be admitted in the hospital because the pain in my heart and left arm has increased so much. I keep crying but do not know what to do? Kindly guide me and help me.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
As we have previously stated in the said Fatwa, it is permissible for a woman to propose herself to a man for marriage. As regards your case with this man, you can achieve that by any permissible means, like telephoning him, or writing to him, on the condition that you should be secure from being tempted by him, free from suspicion and embarrassment. You can also inform whoever you trust of your family to act on your behalf; it might be that this is more appropriate. You have to know that in Islam when considering a spouse the religion and the good moral standards, are given priority over all other matters like family lineage, etc., according to the preponderant opinion of the Islamic jurists. If someone falls in love with another person without intending to, and does not result in any forbidden matter, then one is not sinful. But if it is not possible to contact the loved one by a permissible means, then it is obligatory to refrain from thinking about him, other wise it is a means of being tempted and trying to achieve satisfaction by forbidden means. It appears that your feelings has reached the point of ardent love, and as the saying goes: 'some kinds of love lead to death'. So ardent love is a very serious disease and could lead to unpleasant consequences. You have to endeavour to seek a cure. Some of scholars mentioned the following treatment:
1. Marriage: The Prophet 
said: “There is nothing better for those in love than marriage”. [Ibn Maajah]
2. Giving up on this loved one when the permissible way of satisfaction is impossible.
3. Realizing that having one's heart being attached to someone or something hopeless is indeed a kind of madness.
4. Considering the disadvantages caused by ardent love and the benefits that it repels.
5. Reminding oneself of the dispraised things that this person might have, and remembering the saying of Allaah (interpretation of meaning): {…and it may be that you like a thing which is bad for you.}[2:216].
6. Sincerely turning to Allaah, and this is required at all times.
Allah knows best.
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