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A dissolute father loses his right in fostering his children

Question

I have asked questions to different websites and received conflicting answers. Please give me clear advice according to Quran and Sunnah. I have 2 children born out of Zina sex before marriage I started practicing Islam and so I got married Islamicly to the father and he took his Shahaadah before hand but was not practicing Islam fully Allaah Knows best. Due to problems after the marriage drug and alcohol abuse by him and not practicing Islam by him we separated in a year I had another child by him during this time. He said he divorced me 3 times and has a girlfriend now and lives with her in another state. He committed adultery during our marriage after I found out I was pregnant we now have 3 children. Does he have any rights over the children he says he wants them to visit him but I know the environment is bad for them. Do the children still have an obligation to him even though he is not Muslim in another question on your site you told an adoptive son he stills has an obligation to his parents even though they were adulterers? How should I handle this because I have not requested any support from him because I am under the impression that children born out of Zina the father has no rights over them and they have no rights over him tell me how to deal with this ever-present problem because my environment is influenced by non-Islamic laws and values. If I traveled to a Muslim country and wanted to take the children to migrate there what is the ruling on that since I am not married. Please help me.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.

First of all, we thank you for visiting our site and all perfect praise be to Allaah Who guided you to Islam. We ask Him to make you firm and steadfast on His Religion until the Day you meet Him.

In response to your question, with regard to the two children who were born out of fornication then they have no relation with the fornicator and he is not their father. He has no right on them [they have no obligation to him] and they should not be traced back to him. As regards the child that is born after both of you embraced Islam and got married, then he should be attributed to him and his child has to obey and be dutiful to him, as this is the right of parents on their children. Allaah Says (which means): {And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents}[Quran 17:23].

If the child is still young, then it is his mother who has the right to foster him after divorce. The evidence about this is that a woman came to the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) complaining: "O Prophet of Allaah! I carried my son in my womb, I nestled him, hugged him and protected him within my arms, and I breastfed him. Now his father who divorced me wants to take him away from me. Does he have the right to do so? The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) replied: "You have more right in fostering your child than your husband as long as you do not remarry." [Abu Daawood] So according to the above narration, the mother has more right in the fostering of children than the father as she is more affectionate and loving to her child than him. When the male child reaches seven years of age, he will be asked to choose between his father and mother, and he will stay with whoever he chooses; [but the female child will stay with her father after she reaches seven years of age]. This is the ruling given by 'Umar and 'Ali  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  them and this is the viewpoint of the Hanbali, Shaafi'ee, and Maaliki schools. However, if the father is as you mentioned that he consumes intoxicants, takes drugs and commits adultery, then he is a dissolute person. Indeed the scholars may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  them stated that a dissolute person has no right in the fostering of the children. Moreover, if he does not perform prayers, then the matter is more serious because abandoning prayers takes the person out of the fold of Islam. Even if the child chooses to stay with a dissolute parent who will not protect him or teach him good morals, his choice is not granted.

Hence, you have the right to prevent your child from seeing his/her father since the case is as you mentioned because when the child visits him, he is influenced by his bad conduct and character and this spoils the morals of the child. Nonetheless, the father is permitted to see his child but should not come to the house of his divorced wife unless one of her Mahaarim is present (non-marriageable relatives). This is indeed the view of the scholars may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  them on this issue.

The author of Al-Insaaf may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said: 'The mother should not be left alone with her daughter-i.e. when the daughter is in the custody of the father- if it is feared that she will influence her by her thoughts, this also applies to the male child.'

In addition to this, Ibn Qudaamah may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said: 'Neither parent should be prevented from seeing his/her daughter in the other parent's home provided that the father is not in seclusion with the mother, and they should not stay a long time and relax because they are divorced and this deprives them from relaxing in each other's home.'

Concerning travelling to another country, it is permissible for you to travel with the two children that were born out of fornication as the fornicator has nothing to do with them. But the legitimate child, even though the father has no right in fostering him, he sill has the right to see him/her and if you travel, you deny him this right. Nevertheless, the scholars may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  them stated that if one of the parents wants to travel to a far country to live there, then the right of fostering moves to the father except if he wants to travel to a country of war in which case the right of fostering is not transmitted from the mother to the father, rather the child stays with his/her mother. Their evidence on this is that in case the child travels to a country of war, he/she would learn the morals of non-Muslims and he/she would not be secure there. A country of war is a country of looting and invasion, as stated in Al-Mabsoot written by As-Sarkhasi may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him. There is no doubt that this reason is found in the child staying with his father in America. Indeed there is great danger on the behaviour and moral conduct of the children who stay in America as it is dangerous and not safe for them not be influenced. So the mother might have the right to travel with the children to a Muslim country.

To conclude, we advise you to take the matter to an Islamic Centre in your area so that your case would be thoroughly studied. In our view the father has no right in the fostering of the child since he is a dissolute person and he should not be left alone with the child as he could influence him/her. Also, he has no right in the other two children who were born out of fornication as there is no relation between them.

As regards travelling, it is not permissible for a woman to travel without a Mahram (non-marriageable relative) unless she wants to travel from a non-Muslim country to a Muslim country in which case she can travel without a Mahram.

For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa: 82533 and 83795.

Allaah Knows best.

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