Wants to remarry and keep fostering her child
Fatwa No: 90467

Question

I would like to take my child with me to get remarried again (not to my child father) in a different city. The future husband said he will be responsible and provide for all of us and our future kids. The father of my first child refused to keep the child with me. He doesn't spend time with him and he doesn't even pay me alimony neither child support. In fact I have been paying him child support for the last two years. We live in US and got married in the US and my son is born in US. After a divorce and we end up have shared custody of the child neither of is unfit parent. I know Hadeeth Mohammed, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, but he never said the custody goes to the father he only solved the women problem in the existing situation, and that interfere with what the Prophet Mohammed said about the mother ".....Your mother your mother your mother then your father..." how can a mother be respected by the son if she left him which the father at the age of three or five or eighth or even fourteen...I really think that the prophet gave an answer to the woman upon her actual situation. Again it shows also that it is the best interest of the child. Which is I decided to stay at home and have a husband who is going to provide for me because didn't have that choice before I had to work to bring money to the table and I am still. I thing I should have my son because the father is not going to be with the father all the time but he will be with the new wife (step mother). I see for the best interest of my child he needs to be with me as long as he receive an Islamic education and a good person who is going to care and provide for his mother to be able to practice her roll as a mother not as a provider for the ex-husband.
Sorry for this long e-mail and please comment on my opinion if I am not making sense.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

 

First of all, you should know that the religious ruling is that the woman who is divorced from her husband has more right in the fostering of her children than their father if they are less than seven years of age. When they reach seven years they are given the choice either to be with their father or mother, and they will stay with whoever they choose. Before the age of seven, the child stays with his/her mother as long as she does not remarry. If she remarries, she loses the right of fostering them as the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said to a woman: "You have more right in fostering your child than your husband as long as you do not remarry." [Ahmad]

The majority of scholars  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  them are of the view that the relatives who have more right in the fostering of the children after their mother are as follows: the mother of the mother [i.e. the grandmother of the child from the mother's side], then the father, then the mother or grandmother of the father, then the grandfather [father's side], then the mother [or grandmother] of the grandfather, then the sister, then the maternal aunt, then the paternal aunt, then the daughters of his brothers, and finally the daughters of his sisters.

The female relative who comes in priority over others is the one who is from the same mother and father as the child, then the one who is from the mother's side only, then the one who is from the father's side only, and finally, the right of fostering will be for the other relatives by priority [the one who is closest to the child comes first].

This is in relation to the right of fostering, as regards spending on the child, then if the child has money, then the fostering will be from his money, otherwise it is those who are obliged to spend on him, and they are the child's father, then his grandfather.

In case the one to whom the right of fostering is given loses his eligibility because of her/his dissoluteness or her/his bad nurturing of the child, then the Muslim ruler will transmit the right of fostering to the one who deserves it after her/him.

Therefore, you should know that by remarrying, you lose the right of fostering your child.

Allaah Knows best.

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