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Fatwa CenterHas uncertain feelings about a man who wants to marry her
Question
I knew a man before 3 years abroad, when I went to make a language course. Since I met him, he wants me to marry. But I've never been sure of him. Also because of the fact, that he is an Arab and me I am turkish. We are totally different in our personalities, f.e. he likes spending money a lot, and me I'm more attentive. Should one be more similar or different to have a well marriage?And the language between us, is the language I started learning at that time. That means it is my third language learned (just to let you know the priority and importance) except my mother tongue. He tells me all the time that he loves me extremely -sometimes it is too much for me, so that I'm more scared than pleased. I tried all that time (for 3 years) to get someone known who's in line with me regarding to language, origin and religious attitude. He became religious after having known me. That's why I am unsure about his sincerety to Islam. Is it only to impress me or for Allah.? All the time I hoped to marry someone who makes me improve my religion and here, I have the impression that it is the opposite.?
I tried it with istihara, and astonishingly it was positive -but the thing is, that despite the result I'm not sure, not satisfied. After having a result of istihara, a friend told me, one should not do it again, because it can make you mixing up your feelings. Is it so?
Now after having this result I think sometimes, that I don't have the right to do something against this result, cause I feel it might be that I'll be punished in some meaning because of the reason that I have done something else than the 'sign from Allah'.How important is the result, is it obligatory to continue his life in conformity with the istihara, otherwise you'll be unlucky? Do we have to take it always as serious, I really don't know why I am still unsure, despite the sign I received for my istihara. Can you tell me why? Do you think that a marriage with him can be well for me?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
Any relation with a marriageable man is not allowed in Islam. First of all you have to sincerely repent and must cut all relations with this man. See Fatwa 84281. As for marrying a spouse from a different nationality read Fatwa 82095.
The criteria of marriage in Islam is religion and noble character not the other worldly matters. Read Fatwa 84221.
If he is really religious and wants to marry you then he has to contact your guardian instead of you. For details read Fataawa 84875 and 90130.
Repeating Istikhaarah prayer is allowed, and we have mentioned the details in Fatwa 84818. So, what your friend said is not correct.
We do not know how you decided that the result of Istikhaarah was positive while you are still not satisfied. As for the result of Istikhaarah read Fatwa 81434.
Finally, we advise you to supplicate Allaah to grant you a religious husband and seek the advice of trustworthy religious people.
Allaah Knows best.
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