Asalamu Alikum W Ra7mat Allahy W Barakto, Myy friend has a serious problem, and I have to help her. This is very akward to write about, but she needs a solution and inshallah u will provide her with one. When she was young, she use to masturbate....she didnt know the consequences nor that it is haram. She stopped and has asked Allah to forgive her many times. The problem is, she is afraid of getting married. She is afraid that her husband might accuse her of being a non-virgin. Although sob7anallah, she is a good girl and a good muslim but est'3ferallah this problem is ruining her life. She has been asked for her hand before. but she refused and she is VERY afraid that she started getting anxiety attacks and would start screaming and her muscles would freez. I honestly do not know what to do..Wallahy she is a great girl and she has repented so many times! inshalah Allah has forgvin her...but what about marriage? she always dreamed of having a family and kids one day...but now she always says...its all gone. Ofcourse she has faith in allah, and always asks for his help and she knows that Allah will not solve her problem right away, yet at the right time. however, she will keep refusing every man that asks for her hand out of her fear...she is even too afraid to go to a doctor and ask for information or have an examination. Please advise me...Wallahy she did not know what she was putting her self in...she was so young. Is true that men have to feel the hymen break in order to make sure that the girl is a virign?? I hear this alll the time..she only did it a couple of times .it was not a habit or anything...im sorry for the details...but you have to know...pleaseeeee I ask for your advice so I can help her. She is afraid of embaressing her family and her self! Jakum Allahu Khayran!!
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
First of all, all perfect praise be to Allaah, Who enabled this girl to repent from masturbating and we ask Allaah to reward her and grant her a good husband and bless her with righteous children who would be a delight to her eyes. We have already explained the ruling of masturbation in Fatwa 81150, so please refer to it.
Therefore, we advise this girl to take it easy as the matter is very simple and does not necessitate this worry and stress. She should not be afraid to the extent you described as this may have bad consequences on her.
What she used to do does not mean that she necessarily had broken her hymen [and we do not think that her hymen is broken]. Even if we presume that her hymen is broken, she is not obliged to inform the person who proposes to marry her about it. If we presume that he asks her, she may use Tawriyah (saying something which has more than one meaning and intending a meaning different from what the listener is likely to understand) and she should not be frank about it. The hymen could be broken due to many reasons, like a sudden jump, menses and the like. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 86394.
Furthermore, it is not permissible for her to tell her husband or anyone else about the sin of masturbation, as it is an obligation on the sinner to conceal his/her sin. The Prophet said: "All my nation will be forgiven except those who openly expose their sins. Exposing one's sins is for a person to commit a sin during the night while Allaah had concealed it from the public, yet, he comes in the morning, and says, 'O so-and-so, I did such-and-such (evil) deed yesterday,' though he spent his night screened by his Lord (none knowing about his sin) and in the morning he removes Allaah's screen from himself." [Al-Bukhari]
Therefore, this girl should seek the help of Allaah and ask him earnestly to facilitate marriage for her and better her marital relations with her husband.
Finally, we advise the questioner to help her sister in Islam and remind her about anything which will help her to get rid of these whispers, like seeking Allaah's Refuge from the devil, strengthening one's faith in one's heart and the like.
Allaah Knows best.
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