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Fatwa CenterHer husband treats her badly and violates her rights
Question
Asalam alykom
I left the marital home after my husband was continuously violating my rights, he took my passports, he kept me in isolation alot of the time (i live in his country and have no family of my own), he refused to talk and discuss with me, I made clear to him on three occassions the reasons why I was unhappy and distressed. He agreed to change and he did not. Finally I became pregnant and due to the amount of stress he was causing me, and him threatening to kill me if I took his child, I left the marital home and came to the security of my mother's house , where I live with her. I have had the baby now, and in the time that has passed nothing has changed, and in fact he continues to insult me, and did not support me AT ALL financially or otherwise when I was pregnant. He did not call, or text me, and sent me no money. All of this behaviour makes it impossible for me to go back, and he calls me names, insults me and is refusing to compromise so we can find a solution.
I asked him for a compromise and he refuses to discuss and solve the issue thinking he is right.
How can I be obedient to a man who is a dictator, tyrrant and who treats me so badly, violating my rights? He brings discord and unhappiness into the home, and I find it impossible to bring up a child with him, if we are in this mess.
Please advise. There are ALOT more facts to this case, which I can give you if needed. I have made the issue very simplified, and it is not so simple.
Barak Allahu fik
mariam
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The husband is Islamically ordered to have good marital relationship with his wife. Allaah Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness.}[Quran 4:19] He is obligated to spend on his wife, so if your husband does not spend on you, insults you, humiliates you and refrains from having a mutual understanding with you, then all this is contrary to having good marital relationship with you. The worst thing of all is that he threatened to kill you. If all this really happened from him, then he is very wrong.
On the other hand, a wife is not allowed to go out of her husband’s home without his permission, and it is a disobedience on her part to do so unless she has a sound reason. Therefore, if you had left your husband’s home because of the harm he caused to you, then it is permissible for you to do so.
However, we advise you to take this matter to some righteous and wise people in order to reconcile between you and your husband. If this takes place, then praise be to Allaah, otherwise you should take the matter to an Muslim judge or whoever can act on his behalf in the country where you live so that he would remove the harm off you by getting you a divorce or Khul’ from him.
It should be noted that if the harm was caused by the husband, then he is not permitted to take compensation in return for divorce.
Furthermore, the court may make its decision about the fostering of the child. It should be noted that the jurists 
differed in opinion as to the person who is more deserving of the fostering if the parents are in two different countries. The majority of the jurists are of the view that the fostering is the right of the father and not the mother. However, if the child is an infant and the parents can have a mutual understanding to keep it with the mother, then this is better for the benefit of the infant and in order to repel the harm that may be caused to it or to its mother if it was taken away from her.
Finally, it should be mentioned that a wife is obligated to obey her husband within what is permissible as we clarified in Fataawa 89925 and 126469.
Allaah Knows best.
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