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Fatwa CenterHer husband mistreats her and threatens her with divorce
Question
ASA. I am a muslim girl and have recently been married to my cousin. We liked each other for two years prior to our marriage and everything was going fine. After getting married to him Everything changed. He promised to be a good husband and never to lay his hand on me and never abuse me but he does that every other day. I am not saying I am perfect as I am a human and I start arguing with him but its only when he talks to me like I am trash. He keeps threatening to divorce me and when I tell me its wrong to even say it more than three times he says my words and statements mean nothing to him. I try to please him every way I can but all he does is complain about what I did not do and how he regrets marrying me or how all i do is lead to problems and tensions. I am so tired of this treatment and have told him in as many different ways as possible and as soothingly as possible that all i need is his love and support but he ends up blaming everything on me and its frustrating as he doesn't realise his mistakes and how much he is hurting me. I can't go back to my fathers home as its too insulting for me and I care for his name. He hurts me and sometimes refuses to give me my right to get close to him when I went to but wants e to oblige when ever he wants to. Now he says he is tired of me being a bad wife and wants to do an istikhara to know if I am good for him or not. But i already did an Istikhara and I was told by a mufti that the he is good for me but my husband neglected me and still wants to go ahead. I am tired of this cruel and mean behavior and have no more patience left in me. He knows I love him a lot but his treatment makes me cry for hours everyday. What more should I do...Please do not say show patience and talk to him soothingly as I have been doing that for the past years. Jazakallah khair
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Both spouses should have good marital relationship with each other, so it is not permissible for a husband to humiliate his wife or hit her or hurt her feelings without a sound reason; on the other hand, a wife is obligated to obey her husband within what is permissible.
No doubt, among the most deserving rights of the husband (upon his wife) is his right to share a bed with him, so a wife is obligated to accept her husband’s call to bed unless she has a sound reason to refuse. Also, he is obligated to fulfill her sexual needs according to his ability.
You should know that attaining affection and love between spouses may need patience and forgiving each other’s mistakes and looking to the good characters of each other. Hence, we advise you to review your situation and if you find that you are negligent about the rights of your husband, then you should rectify your situation and have good marital relationship with him, and advise him in a soft and gentle manner and ask him to have good marital relationship as Allaah has ordered him. In doing so, you may seek the help of some of the righteous among your relatives or other people, and supplicate Allaah as much as possible while having trust in Him. Also, you should return to Allaah and strengthen your relationship with Him as no calamity befalls (someone) except due to sins and no calamity is removed except through repentance.
Allaah Knows best.
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