Loving people and being patient with them
Fatwa No: 163541

Question

Assalamualaikum I heared from my friend she told me that we love some people in this life be cause of our love in the heaven or nextlife.Is that true ? Because some time we feel like we want to be friend with someone ,sometime we don't want to to be friend with some other people but some time some of our family member even thouhg we dont like their behavior we tolarate them .Can you please explain me with the light of islam? Jazakkallah hair

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.

Saying that the love for some persons in this World stems from love for them in Paradise or in the Hereafter has no grounds. What is proven, under Sharee‘ah, is that love for the sake of Allaah in this World will have praiseworthy consequences in the Hereafter. For further information about the virtue of such love, see Fatwa 142121.

Besides, unless love has Sharee‘ah-based grounds, it will not avail one on the Day of Judgment, and it may, rather, turn into enmity and hatred; Allaah The Almighty says (what means): {Close friends, that Day, will be enemies to each other, except for the righteous.} [Quran 43:67]

Also, if a Muslim person is loved by righteous people and his friendship is sought by them, then this is a sign of his goodness, and if they have aversion to him, it is a sign of his evilness. It is narrated on the authority of Jaabir  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him that the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "The believer gets along with people and they feel comfortable with him. There is no good in the one who does not get along with people and with whom they do not feel comfortable, and the best among the people is the most beneficial among them to the people." [At-Tabaraani - Al-Albaani graded it Saheeh (sound) in “As-Silsilah As-Saheehah”]

On the other hand, if, by tolerance with the family members, you mean being patient with their harm and being kind to them, and the like, that is good, and its consequence will be also good in this World and the Hereafter, Allaah willing; Allaah The Almighty says (what means): {Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend. But none is granted it except those who are patient, and none is granted it except one having a great portion [of good].} [Quran 41:34-35] For further information about the merits of forgiveness, see Fatwa 84351.

Here, it should be noted that Mudaaraah (kind treatment towards wrongdoers with the intention of reforming them) is permissible and praiseworthy, whereas Mudaahanah (compromising one’s values to please wrongdoers) is forbidden and blameworthy.

Al-Haafith Ibn Hajar  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him in his book “Fat’h Al-Baari” quoted Ibn Battaal  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him as saying: "Verily, Mudaaraah is recommended, while Mudaahanah is unlawful. The difference is that Mudaahanah is to mix with the wicked and show good pleasure with what he does, and not to disapprove of his bad conduct; whereas Mudaaraah is to be kind towards the ignorant in teaching him and towards the wicked in forbidding him from his evil, without harshness, i.e. without exposing his bad conduct, and rather disapprove of it in a gentle manner, especially when there is a need to attract his heart to the Way of Allaah."

Allaah Knows best.

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