She suffers from tense relationship between her husband and her mother
Fatwa No: 213715

Question

AoA. I've a very serious question i am confused between my husband and mother. My husband don't wants very frequent phone calls and meetings with my family although he is always there to help them whenever is required but he is not very friendly with them. And my mother wants him to act as his son and not son in law. She wants frequent phone calls from him as in not daily but after every 15 - 20 days. He says he don't have any common topics to talk with her. After every few days their is an argument between me and my husband why is she bothering so much and an argument between me and my mother that he and his family don't talk to her and he is very proud etc etc. This is greatly effecting my relation with my mother and my husband as we are very comfortable with each other he just don't like frequent meetings with anybody. I can not disobey any of them ethically and Islamic way. They both have built their nature and they don't change and their is a fight in the house every other day. Please tell me in the light of Quran and Hadees what should i do. If there is any wafiza that can help please provide me that too because of this everyday ever growing fight on no reason make me thinks negatively as in end the relation which i don't want to happen but everyday issues are just so disturbing Deeply depressed

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.

We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and ease all your matters and reconcile between your family and your husband. There is absolutely no doubt that Du‘aa' (supplicating Allaah The Almighty) is one of the most important means of relieving worries and anxieties.  Allaah The Almighty ordered us to supplicate Him and promised to answer us saying (what means): {And your Lord says, "Call upon Me; I will respond to you." Indeed, those who disdain My worship will enter Hell [rendered] contemptible.}[Quran 40:60]

Amongst the supplications that we advise you to use in this regard is the supplication of the distressed. Abu Bakrah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him narrated that the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "Supplication of the distressed: O Allaah, it is Your mercy that I hope for, so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for a blink of an eye and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshipped except You)." [Abu Daawood]

Also, the supplication of grief: ‘Abdullaah ibn Mas‘ood  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him narrated that the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says: "O Allaah, I am Your slave, and the son of Your male slave and female slave, in Your Hand are my life and fate and just is Your judgment. I implore You by all the names You have named Yourself, or taught to any of Your creatures, or mentioned in Your Book, or kept in the Unseen, to make the Quran the delight of my heart, the light of my soul, and the relief of my sadness and distress), but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.” [Ahmad]

On the other hand, having kind relationship with one's in-laws is something good and Islamically recommended. This is what the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to do with his in-laws such as those whom he married from like Abu Bakr, or those whom he gave his daughters in marriage such as ‘Uthmaan and ‘Ali, may Allaah be pleased with all the Companions. Indeed, this has a good impact on one's happiness and helps him live a good life; so the Muslim individual should be keen on that.

However, if anyone of them (the husband and in laws) keeps away and chooses not to have such continuous and close relationship, the other has no right to oblige him/her to do so. So, your mother should not keep urging your husband to do what he does not like and she should not repeatedly bother him to do so. But, if you are able to convince your husband to fulfill the request of your mother, then this will be good.

As for you, you should adopt wisdom, deal with the matter calmly, avoid nervousness, be polite with your mother and ask some good people who may have influence on her to urge her to stop bothering your husband and causing troubles between you and him because of that matter. Indeed, patience brings about goodness, Allaah Willing.

Finally, it is not permissible for the woman to ask her husband to divorce her except for certain reasons stated by the jurists and we have pointed them out in Fatwa 131953. Even if we assume that there is a reason that allows her to seek divorce, the woman should not hasten to seek divorce for a minor reason because the solution is not always in divorce.

Allaah Knows best.

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