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Fatwa CenterHow to deal with a sexually abusive father
Question
Asalamu aleykum. My father has abused (inappropriately touching and kissing) three of my older sisters when they were teenagers. They came forward with this when my father also started to abuse our 10 year old niece. My father is now 60 years old and very sick. As a family we decided to not go public with this as it will diminish our family name and also due to his age. My father is a practicing muslim, he has been to hajj 3 times which makes this whole situation very shocking. My father seam to not repent and regret what he has done as i have caught him masturbating to one of my sisters picture in the toilet. This has made my hate my father to a point where i wish he was dead. As a daughter i know my obligations however is it sinful of me to turn my back against him and not cater to his needs as well as i did prior to this shocking incidents? If he dies before me is it obligatory of me to pray for him? I need some advice on how i should behave towards him after everything that has happened. Asalamu alaykum
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His Slave and Messenger.
If what you mentioned about your father is true, then he has indeed committed a heinous act and a great evil. One of the greatest tribulations is that evil comes from someone who is normally trusted, and that transgression against honor comes at the hands of him who is supposed to protect it. Allaah Most High is our only source of strength.
It is Islamically required to conceal the sin of a Muslim, and some scholars stated that it is obligatory. This is even more emphatic in regard to one’s parents. The Kuwaiti Fiqh Encyclopedia reads: “It is established in Islam that it is obligatory to conceal the sins of Muslims who are not known to cause harm or corruption, as the Prophet said: "Whoever conceals the sins of a Muslim, Allaah, The Almighty, will conceal his sin on the Day of Judgment.” The interpretation of this Hadeeth in Sharh Muslim reads: “This concealing of sins is in regard to those who are not known of committing sin openly. Ibn Al-'Arabi said: If you see a man committing an act of disobedience, advise him in private and do not expose him.” [End of quote]
If it is evident that your father still persists in this evil, then whoever saw him committing that evil or found out about it should advise him. If advice is given in a gentle and soft manner, then this is not considered undutifulness to him.
Also, there is nothing wrong with hating what he does; rather, it is obligatory to hate what he does. However, it is not permissible for any of his children to harm him in any manner, because if one does so, he or she is being undutiful. Wishing him to die is also considered undutifulness.
Finally, his sinning by committing those acts does not make it permissible for his children to mistreat him, and they are obliged to be kind to him in any case. So, we advise you to pray to Allaah to guide him back his senses and protect him from the evil of his desires and the evil of his sinful deeds.
For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 88782 and 88120.
Allaah Knows best.
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