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Her mother and grandmother are ruining her marriage

Question

asslam o alaikum...my grandmother left her husband because he was injustice to her.laters my mother lived an independant life ,as my father was not much interested in understanding his duties towards his family so my mom worked very hard to educate us. my grandma lives with us and ive always seen my mother and grandmother scolding n backciting my father.now im married with my parents will..now that always my mother is scolding my husband and his parents.and interfering in my matters with him,and if i take his side ,ultimately im scolded badly that im a coward,my inlaws insult me etc.i live with my in laws ,after my baby was born my mother insisted on me moving to her city and start a job here.i refused.she constanlty abuses my husband and makes fun of his dark colour and says that she repents why did they marry me with him.so says my grandmother.i get uset and i cant decide in such situation.my mother create hate in my heart for my husband that he din't do tha etc etc.im nver allowed to take any decision on my behalf in husbands matter.like once he got sick,i was at parents home.i went to him myself so they made it an issue for months that my husband is greedy,he dint want to send car to me,also i was scolded alot.im pissed off now.i get tensed al the time.idont tell my parents anything about my family.recently i had a conflict with my inlaws i moved to my parents place.now they said they wont let me go back,let my husband come again and again...im fed up..and now my husband hasnt talked to me for 10 days as i refused to go back.i asked him to keep me separate ,his parents insult me in matters..but he is not taking it serious

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.

If the situation is as you described, then your mother is being unjust to you and your husband and she seeks to spoil the relationship between you and him, and this is one of the greatest sins. You should obey your husband in what is permissible and stay in his home. There is no obedience to your mother or your grandmother or any other person if it means being disobedient to your husband or leaving his home without necessity. Obedience to your husband comes in priority over your obedience to your parents. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 100619 and 90507.

On the other hand, you should know that it is your right that your husband provides you a separate residence as underlined in Fatwa 84608. So, go back to your husband and reach an understanding with him and ask him to provide for you a separate residence where none of his family lives with you. In case he refuses or is not able to provide it, then you should weigh the harm of staying with him in this state and the harm of divorce, and then choose the lesser of the two harms.

Also, you should be kind and dutiful to your mother and grandmother and obey them in what is permissible only and not in what is a sin or in what would harm you; please refer to Fatwa 84942.

Allaah Knows best.

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