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Fatwa CenterA suitor with these bad qualities will not be a good husband
Question
Salamualukom I'm 26 years old,a Muslim guy from my country asked for my hand, he has deen & akhlaq but i prayed Istikhra i said yes but then everything went wrong my brother weren't interested to meet him ,my dad swore that if I marry this guy he will never look into my eyes even though he doesn't know him,my family rejected him even before asking about him,My dad judged him even he doesn't know him,i'm in love with this guy but recently i found out he is so materialistic,gets angry when he demand something from me & i don't do it for him, also he Plagiarized some lecturer's research to get his master degree ,although,he's Imam of a mosque,this's what encouraged me to accept and memorized the Quran,my Question;should I move on & try to forget about him since he's so selfish or try to be patient with him?,I wanna get married as soon as possible to protect my self from fitna but still i don't wanna live the rest of my life with the wrong partner ,i don't wanna lose my family,& the guy told me that his parents won't let him to ask for my hand again since my family rejected him ,& he also changed a lot wanna me to do his assignments ,translate his papers & benefit from as much as he can while when i ask him to do anything from me he says ok,but then he never does it,i thought when he is religious guy & mesmerized quran will protect me and make me increase my Iman,but he just seeks him own benefits .. what's your advice ?..barak Allah feekom
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
Since your parents do not approve of this marriage, you are advised to respect their wishes for the sake of dutifulness towards them, especially since parents are often more compassionate to their daughters and more keen to look after their best interest than anyone else. Moreover, it is possible that your parents have asked about this suitor and realized that he is not a suitable husband for you. Moreover, it is advisable for you to forget all about that proposal since his parents would also not allow him to propose to you again because your parents refused his first proposal.
We would like to emphasize our advice to you to forget all about him and to supplicate Allaah much, and to seek a pious husband with the help of your reliable relatives or friends or their husbands. You should know that a Muslim woman is allowed to look for a husband and to offer herself in marriage to him, provided that she observes good Islamic conduct in her interactions with non-Mahram men. This has been underlined in Fatwa 82471.
We would like to point out that it is imperative for a Muslim woman to be careful not to get emotionally involved with a non-Mahram man as this is forbidden in Islam. We have clarified this in Fatwa no. 81356.
Also, it is impermissible for a Muslim woman to get married without the consent of her Wali (legal guardian); if she does so, the marriage contract is invalid. If her Wali unjustly refuses to marry her off to a suitable man (with no valid reason), she may refer her case to a judge in a legitimate Islamic court to investigate the matter. If it is proven that the woman’s Wali unjustly prevents her from marrying a suitable man, the judge is entitled to marry her off himself or appoint a legal guardian for her to marry her off. The Muslim ruler (or judge) is the legal guardian of anyone who has no legal guardian, as established in the authentic Sunnah.
Allaah Knows best.
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