He discovered that his wife is not as decent as he thought she was
Fatwa No: 301411

Question

Assalaam alaykum. My question is the following: I was engaged with a girl for four years, and then I married her just a few months ago. The reason that I got engaged and married was based upon her practicing her religion, like observing the ijab and so on. During our engagement, I never saw her not observing the hijab in front of any non-mahram (permanently unmarriageable) except in some cases in which I scolded her, so I never paid too much attention to these occasional mistakes and forgave her. After marrying her, I went abroad to work and returned after a few months to meet my family. One day, I caught her using facebook, which I strictly prohibited ever since our engagement due to the fitnah (temptation, tribulation) of mingling with the opposite sex. Her account was about three years old, and she had pictures in it of her going to picnics with non-mahram men and enjoying herself with them in different places and in a car. According to her, they were her colleagues at school as she was working in a school. However, she had told me that she was working in a school for girls only, where there were no male teachers, but she was lying and I caught through her account. Now I feel very cheated over this incident because the reason why I married her was tottaly different. In addition, those guys she was chatting and wandering aroud with were Shias and grave worshippers, whom I hate so much. I beat her after discovering this and also told her mother about it. Now I am suffering from mental illness and am unable to do anything everytime it comes to my mind that I beat her, I though about divorcing, but I also like her, so I am not sure what to do as I am also unable to bear this pain and the cheating because if someone learns about this incident then me and my family's respect will be at stake. What should I do now according to the shariah ? And will I be regarded as a dayyooth (he who does not feel jealous when his honor is violated and who overlooks the indecency and immoral behavior of his family while he knows that it is wrong to do so)? And please quote some hadiths regarding this matter so that I can relieve myself from this situation. May Allaah reward you.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

What we recommend is that you look at the condition of your wife now; if she has repented from these heinous acts and her conduct became good, then you may keep her and treat her well and try to forget the past and not hold her accountable for it. For benefit on the virtues of pardoning and forgiving, please refer to fatwa 84351.

However, if she is still persisting in what she was doing, then you may follow the Islamic steps in dealing with a disobedient wife, and beating is not the first step. Also, beating should be in order to discipline her and not cause any scars or harm; please refer to fatwa 85402.

If she still continues to be corrupt, then it is desirable to divorce her. Ibn Qudaamah  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him  said, when clarifying the cases of divorce, “Number 4: which is desirable, and this is when the wife is negligent about the rights of Allaah on her, such as the prayer and the like, while the husband is not able to force her to do them, or when he has a wife who is not chaste...

The person who is jealous about his honor – like you – is not a dayyooth (cuckold). A dayyooth, as per the book Al-Misbaah Al-Muneer is: “The dayyooth is a man who is not jealous about his wife.” Also, the Kuwaiti Fiqh Encyclopedia reads: "The dayyooth was defined with similar words whose meaning is the same and it does not differ from the linguistic meaning, which is a man not being jealous about his wife or female mahrams (unmarriageable relatives)."

Allaah knows best.

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